So if you know me in real life you know (or probably do) that I generally classify myself as "agnostic" in the beliefs department. I do believe that there is "something" (or "Something", if you prefer) out there...but I don't know how anyone could possibly presume to know what. I'm not anti-religion by any stretch of the imagination but I was not raised in or around church. My family (overall...there are a couple of exceptions) is not an especially religious bunch but they will generally all classify themselves as "spiritual". I realize that this distinction is something of a hot button amongst those who are religious but you have to understand...this is the way I was raised. It makes sense to me that you can be spiritual without being religious.
At the beginning of 2008 my Gramma started the slide into the end of her battle with pancreatic cancer. I packed bags for myself, Jake, and Zander and we headed back to the states to be with her and the rest of my family. As sick as she was, we were lucky enough to make it back for the end. I was even able to help take care of her at home for the last week or so. It was, and is, hard to talk about the things that went on during that timeframe.
One thing that I took away from the experience was a desire to believe that there is "Something" out there. Some Benevolent Being who waits for us on the other side of life's doorway. Is there? I don't know. But in the moment that my Gramma passed, I can tell you that I felt...something. In that instant that her body quit working, there was a definite change in the energy level in the room. The best way that I can describe it is that she was there...and then she wasn't. That single moment in time has definitely altered my view of the world.
I have said before that I enjoy reading blogs because of the window through which they allow me to view the lives of others. I read several blogs written by women with strong religious beliefs. None of them have spoken to me like this one. Maybe it is because of Stellan. He is nearly the same age as Izzy (and is our fourth child) and I can so easily think, "That could have been us." Because of that connection, it is difficult for me to read about the trials and the wonders that Stellan's situation brings into their life without crying. Maybe it is because we have a similar sense of humor. That in and of itself is rare enough to speak to me. Or, perhaps, it may simply be that she writes so simply about that which she believes in so deeply. I don't know. What I do know is that somehow she writes things that make sense to me. And I start to think that maybe faith is something that I could have after all.
That is what she has given me through the simple act of her blogging, this stranger living in the Frozen Tundra of midwest America: the hope that I can have faith. And so, while she is once again going through difficulties with her dear Stellan, I hope that I can bring her family some additional prayers. Please pray, with me, for this family and this child. Please send them prayers of love and patience and hope...I know that I would surely need them in her shoes.