Through His Eyes

Those bright eyes, they are still brand new.

There is so much of the world that he hasn't seen; it seems that every day brings him fresh wonder and new adventures.

And every once in awhile? I feel like he helps me feel that too.

When Fear Becomes Joy

Sometimes life sets us down into the middle of a situation that is so utterly and completely new that we have no idea how to react. And then? Life leaves us there.

Ever exhilarating, but frequently frightening, this is not always a welcome experience.

Blessed are those with willing and able friends and family to lift them up and help them through the fear. These experiences are not as intimidating with our loved ones by our side.

Enveloped in their love and support, we begin to think that we can stand on our own feet again.

And so we do; perhaps with a bit of apprehension at first, but still. We do it.

Our confidence bolstered, we begin to explore our new surroundings.

We begin to see that perhaps things aren't as bad as we'd once thought.

What was once new and scary is now fresh and exciting.

Fun, in fact.

We stretch ourselves into our new surroundings, eager to learn what else might be found.

We live fully.

And hopefully we learn to forge through life, looking for more adventures.

happy 2nd birthday, izzy!

For my sweet Isaac,

I've had you in my life for two years now. Two years since your sweet face poked over the top of that curtain and lodged in my heart. It is such a painful joy to watch you grow, knowing that each of your firsts are our last first everything. Our last first smile. Our last first laugh. Our last first step. Every day with you is such a gift. My deepest wish for your father and I is that we never take a single one for granted.

But my wishes for you are many. I hope that you continue to be blessed with such a wonderful curiosity in the world around you.

The independence and confidence to stand firm, alone when necessary, in your beliefs.

The ability to balance all facets of your life.

The focus and determination necessary to get the job done.

The courage to make waves, tempered with an awareness of the effect your actions have on others.

Thank you for every single day, Izzy. Momma loves you.

izzy the bruiser

Izzy is in that stage. The one where they constantly fall, scare you half to death, and look like you beat them on a regular basis. Why is it that babies have to learn to walk again?

The other day Izzy fell into a table in the living room. I was sitting right next to him, talking to him, and even looking at him but there was no way I could get to him. It was fast. The crying was instantaneous and horrible. I felt so bad for him! See how awful it looked? Poor Izzy!

We applied ice (well, a cold teether), doled out some Tylenol, and liberally applied hugs and kisses. He calmed down quickly but it hurt to look at him for the whole day. He actually had what looked like a goose egg on his eyelid. I didn't even know that was possible.

Once the swelling started to go down you could really see where he hit the table. The bruising is along the fold of his eyelid, so unless his eyes are a little closed you can't even see it. It's lined up almost perfectly with the edge of the bone around his eye. If he had hit a little lower, it might have been a little more serious. He smacked into that table really hard.

This last picture was taken three days after the accident. The bruising around the edge of his eye was in that lovely yellow-green stage. His eyelid was (and is, nine days later!) still purple but it's hard to get a picture of it because it is right in that crease.

I gotta say, he's a tough little guy. I have to admire his ability to take these hits and just keep getting up and going again. I hope he keeps that with him as he gets older.

what farts a snowflake?

One of the more interesting parts of parenting a gazillion children (okay, four...same thing in the opinion of some) is juggling all their various needs and wants. In our house, the kids seem to take turns doing extracurricular activities. It's not planned that way; that's just how it works out. Right now it's Sam's turn. He's in band and yearbook this year, both of which have after-school commitments during the week. Therefore, the other three kids and I have spent a lot of time sitting in the van waiting for Sam over the past few weeks.

While this is not such a big deal for Zander and Izzy (they'll take their snacks in the van just as happily as anywhere else), Jake gets rather bored. I don't blame him; I get a little bored myself. So I've started taking little things for the two of us to do. In addition to giving us both something to do, we get in a little "quality one-on-one" time as well. This past week it was paper with some tic-tac-toe grids on it. We played several games, got righteously beat by the cat, and then headed home when Sam came out.

Of course, then there is the traffic issue. Getting off the base in the "after work" time frame is an absolute pain. Even though we live less than two miles from the front gate, it can take upwards of 30 minutes to get home. The traffic is that bad. Jake, being the enterprising young man that he is, used one of our rides home this week to draw up a little cartoon on the back of our tic-tac-toe paper. I, being his mother, think it is hysterical and want to share.

I present you with: Snow-vamp!

There was a long conversation about snow-vamp on the drive. Snow-vamp only attacks other snowmen, never people. He drinks water from them which makes them smaller. You have to try to kill him with snowballs. The "Snow Sheriff" is trying to catch him but was grossed out by the "snow fart" (a snowflake...that looks a lot like a baby snowman) and couldn't. Snow-vamps obviously would not be red (contrary to what you might think, mom, geez!) because snowmen don't have red blood.

If you are familiar with this family on a personal basis you know that Jake is pretty quiet. Having him giggle and story-tell his way through a 30-minute car trip is a serious triumph. He's so quiet that we sometimes worry that he gets "drowned out" by his more, shall we say, boisterous siblings. This little activity really got him going and I was so happy to see it. It's nice to see him bubbly and creative.

I'm almost starting to look forward to sitting in the van!

making waves

Every once in awhile I decide that I haven't nearly enough cleaning to do and put together a project for the kids. This week I decided that we would turn some 20 oz. soda bottles into wavemakers. This is the first time we have done this particular project. While it turned out well enough, we did learn a few lessons.

Recommended Supplies

beverage bottles (any size will do)
water
an oil (we used vegetable oil; I would recommend baby oil)
glitter, sequins, googly eyes, and other water-resistant craft items
food coloring
some sort of glue (rubber cement worked well)
funnels and various measuring devices

Directions: Rinse the bottles thoroughly and peel off the labels. Using the funnels for younger children, pour various kinds of craft supplies into the bottle.

Optional step: remember that you should have brought the hand vacuum up from the basement.


Using the funnels and other various measuring devices, pour water into the bottles. I suppose you could just fill it up at the sink but that takes some of the fun out of it for the kids. I used this as a motor skills developer for Zander and an impromptu fractions lesson for Sam and Jake. It wasn't too messy. Well, okay. Nothing that a couple of towels couldn't handle!


After filling the bottles up with the desired amount of water, use the funnel to pour in the oil. Now, the ratio of water to oil is totally up to you. We did about three parts water to one part oil (the picture is a poor example of that) but I was running a little low on the vegetable oil.

Just as a side note, I poured the oil. I'm all for letting the kids make messes but that just seemed like asking for it. The next time we make this I am going to try half water, half baby oil. I think it will make for a more interesting consistency. Plus...doesn't that look a little gross? Sam thinks it looks like snot. I think he may have a point.


After you get your oil and water mix into the bottles, add some food coloring. We put six drops into each bottle and that seemed like a great amount for the 20 oz bottles. Sam and Jake learned a valuable lesson: green bottles are not the way to go if you want to see your color well. Also, listen to mom when she tries to guide your decisions. Okay, we'll probably have to continue to work on that last one. I'm pretty sure the first one stuck though.

Final Step: Coat the cap with glue and screw on as tightly as possible. Attempt to keep the children from playing with projects until the caps are thoroughly dry.

Zander really enjoyed this project. I was concerned that it might be a little too "old" for him but he did really well. He loved watching the red and yellow food dye make orange. The whole event was a big hit with the three-year-old.

Jake also seemed to enjoy this project. He liked picking out the items to put into the bottle, watching the oil "dance" with the water, and seeing Zander's project change color. Like I said, we used this to help talk about fractions (you need three 1/3 cups to get 1 cup, etc...). This project got a definite thumb's up from the eight-year-old.

We actually put these projects together in several different orders. (We made four in total.) We put the water in first in most, but the oil in first in others. We mixed the food coloring in at different steps each time. Sam was able to see how the order affected the project in the short term and the long term. The younger kids didn't care about that part but Sam seemed to enjoy it. I'm not sure if all 12-year-old children would enjoy this project, but ours did.

Final result: All in all this seemed like a popular activity. It's hard for us to find a one-size-fits-all project for kids who have such varying ages. I think that may be the best thing about this project! I think we'll probably repeat this activity again.

Now...what am I forgetting? Oh yeah!


After project is complete, thoroughly clean the destroyed kitchen area. Note for future attempts: perhaps we should come up with an age-friendly activity for the one-year-old as well!

we call him mr. bobbles

A couple weeks ago we took Izzy to the pediatrician for his one year check up. Other than the fact that we confirmed for sure that he's a bobble-head (50% for weight, 63% for height, and 99% for head size--suddenly I'm not so upset about all the c-sections) things went pretty well. There were a few concerns brought up however, and we decided that we'd bring in EDIS (Educational and developmental Intervention Services) to take a gander at the kid. We (and by "we", I mean "I" because Jason thought I was being a Nervous Nelly) were a little concerned about Izzy's gross motor development and the doctor was a little concerned about the fact that Izzy doesn't talk yet.

(Can you imagine how short the above sentence would be without all the parenthesis?)

Anyway. The appointment was today and the specialist who came to see us was awesome. I really like that they come to your home, where the kid in question is the most comfortable. The specialist, "V", was really sweet and professional. She brought in a bunch of papers for me and toys for Izzy (who got the better end of that deal, I ask you) and we sat on the floor and played with him.

He did well. V said that he has great social and play skills and is a very happy baby. (Yay for Izzy!) She also said that he scores well in all the different areas and does not appear to actually be behind anywhere as of right now. So he's not going to be put on a monitored status or anything like that. Which is good.

V is going to come back next week, however. She said that while he's not behind, she would like to see him communicating more. She agrees that this is likely because there are so many of us in the house and we all anticipate his needs...he really doesn't have to ask for anything ever. V also thinks that he is too busy just playing and exploring to be bothered with any of that pesky "talking" business. I think there is probably some truth to that. So she'll be bringing us some materials to help us help him talk.

Also, she thinks that he is exhibiting signs of poor muscle development/tone. (And this is where I try not to thumb my nose at Jason and say, "I told you so!" Oops. Fail.) We have noticed for a long time that he does not sit like the other kids did. He sits like I did when I was a kid...and that is not the best way to sit, apparently. She dubbed it the "W-sit" and said that it is an indicator of poor muscle tone. I asked if the poor muscle tone would explain why he's always hit his milestones just a little, tiny bit late and she said that it's possible. So we're supposed to encourage him to sit differently now. So she'll also be bringing by some exercises for us to work with him on his muscle tone as well.

I'm really glad we went ahead and scheduled this appointment. I feel better knowing that he's okay. I feel even better knowing that V will be back next week with some "how-to" instructions. (Yes, even a mother of four sometimes needs some help!) It was also nice to hear someone tell me that they approve of all the random "toys" we have accumulated in the living room...it's nice to know that there are still people out there who agree that boxes, paper towel rolls, and tupperware are still awesome toys!

bear with me...it's been a rough week

Danny, there are several types of bodily fluids mentioned in this post (all parenting related). You've been warned. Love you, man! ~A

Well this has been a rough week. I'm just starting to get my feet under me again and figured that I would post a quick note just to let everyone know what is going on around these parts.

I started school Monday night. I'm taking two online classes which will put me within one class of finishing up my AA. I was a little overwhelmed...well, okay. I still am to a certain extent. Even though both classes are through the same university the online program they use is a complete different format for each. I much prefer one to the other...it's going to be an interesting couple of months. I think I will have a better feel for how I'm doing when I get my stinking books! Hopefully that will happen soon.

NaNo has been put on the back burner for the past couple of days but I'm digging back in tonight. I have already written about 600 words tonight. I need to pump out an additional 1500 more to really be back on track. I doubt I will make the full amount tonight but am hopeful that I can get about halfway there tonight and then get caught up tomorrow. A fellow NaNo'er (hi Sarah!) has suggested using this program to do smaller sessions several times a day instead of the marathon approach I have been using. It sounds like a great idea and I'm going to try that as soon as I get caught up!

On Monday Izzy up and decided that he was done nursing. Yes. Just.like.that. We went from 2-3 times a day to nothing. I have to admit, I feel a little rejected. It fits in with his personality though. He's all the time fine with something until he isn't. He's probably the most determined kid we have (not to be confused with Zander's stubbornness, which I will get to shortly). The kid just knows what he wants...and, apparently, what he doesn't. So I guess I'm done nursing now. Hmph.

Zander...oh, man. Where do I start? We have two issues really. One being that I cannot stop the kid from cussing. Yeah, Sam and Jake both said a few cuss words as toddlers but they were easy to fix. You just told them no a couple times and viola! Problem solved. Not so much with this one. We've tried everything we can think of (to include not cussing in front of him anymore) and he just keeps getting worse. Argh! This kid is going to be the death of me yet.

Our second issue is that he refuses to be potty-trained. Just flat out won't do it. We can get him to pee in the potty if we stay on top of him. But he will not, just flat out refuses, to poop in the potty. Not the big potty or the little potty. I have tried all the tricks in the book and am just at a loss. I even tried to just dial back the pressure and not mess with him...now he's back to peeing in his pull-ups. The only step I have left, I think, is to take him into the pediatrician to see if they can tell me something. I honestly think the biggest problem is that he sees Izzy in his diapers...he's been telling Izzy for a couple of weeks now, "No, Izzy! You don't poop in your diaper. You poop in the potty!" He's not seriously going to make me change his diapers until Izzy potty trains, is he? (Anyone out there have any tips? I'm freaking desperate here!)

That's pretty much "it". It's a lot though. Jake is off school for the rest of this week, Sam is out for the week after tomorrow. They just finished their first quarter, which went well enough. Jason gets home Sunday. Next week we'll have to sink into some sort of routine. Hopefully by this time next week I'll be fully functioning again!

------------------------------------------

I hope everyone had a wonderful Veteran's Day. Thank you to all my fellow veterans out there. I think of you and all our wonderful active duty troops every single day. I'm thankful for you all every single day. This is just the day to let you know it!

when in doubt, blame the parents

Why is it that when a child misbehaves it is automatically a result of faulty parenting? When did people forget that children are not automated extensions of their parents? That they are their own little people with their own little brains? Brains that are not fully formed and can therefore make the occasional bad decision regardless of how present the parents in question might be?

Listen, nobody is debating that there are some crap parents out there. I think we can all agree that some parents don't deserve the kids they have. But as far as I know, there is no perfect parent out there anywhere and I truly believe that those "crap parents" are in the minority. Every one of us has made a mistake at some point (or will). We just all have to hope that the mistakes we make are small in the grand scheme of things. Or that we can fix a problem that arises when we make an error in judgment.

However. I don't think that it is reasonable to automatically assume that a kid has horrible parents (or that the mistake itself stems directly from "bad" parenting) if he makes one mistake. Even if it is a HUGE mistake. It also isn't reasonable to assume that the kid in question is a "bad egg" on the basis of one mistake. Obviously there are varying levels of responsibility here. For instance, a 6-year-old child who takes his new Cub Scout tool to school is not going to fall under the same umbrella as a high school student who brings a loaded gun to school. At least it shouldn't in my opinion. If you disagree then we're probably not going to be able to come to terms here.

I still think that the best way to deal with a child-related problem is directly. Is there a bully picking on your kid? Try to tell your kid some non-violent ways to deal with the problem. Explain to them that ignoring a bully will often solve the problem. If it doesn't then you go from there. If the bullying is taking place at school, involve the school. If it's taking place at a playgroup or the local playground then approach the parents. For the love of all that is good, approach the parents! Demonizing the parents of a kid who has made a mistake is not going to get you anywhere productive.

I offer this next story as an example of why direct approach in all things is best. Direct approach, first and foremost, before you start involving your family and friends and random internet strangers. You just never know what the other side of the situation is. I think it's also a cautionary tell for those who give advice without knowing both sides of a situation.

Two years ago we started having a problem with one of the kids on Sam's bus. He would trip him, punch him, yank on his backpack...generally anything he could do to harass him, he would do. After letting Sam attempt to deal with it on his own for a little bit (maybe a week), Jason approached the kid's dad.

Apparently this kid (we'll call him Hank) had a little sister (we'll call her Peggy). Peggy was 5 or 6. She developed a little bit of a crush on Sam which led her to follow him around and bug the tar out of him. In dealing with Peggy, Sam called her a name (not a "bad word" or anything...I honestly don't remember what it was but it was along the lines of "pest") and repeatedly told her to shut up. This hurt her feelings (understandably) and she told her dad.

What Jason and I would have done at this point is already detailed above. If Peggy had been our daughter we would have counseled her to ignore him. I would have told her that if a boy was talking to her like that it meant he wasn't worth her time anyway. If it had continued we would have gone to the parents or to the bus office through the school. I think we would have tried the parents first because that is what we did with Hank. In reacting this way we would be hopeful that first, the kid would quit messing with our daughter and second, that our daughter would see that just because a person makes a mistake doesn't make them a bad person. That forgiveness is possible when someone is honestly sorry about a mistake. (I am assuming, of course, that the kid would be sorry. I think most would be.)

If they had come to us we most certainly would have told Sam that he was in the wrong. He would have been made to apologize. We would have explained to him that sometimes little girls develop crushes on older boys and that it is important that he never take advantage of that and that he always treat her with kindness and respect. That yes, while she might be a little annoying that she is little and just doesn't know any better. We would have responded that way because we are responsible and caring parents who truly do want the best for our kids...even when they act like a bonehead.

What did this dad do instead of coming to Sam's parents? He told his 14-year-old son to "get back" at the kid that was bullying Peggy. (Might I remind you that Sam would have been 10 at the time.) This dad was belligerent and hateful because his little girl had her feelings hurt. He was convinced that he was in the right because his little girl was "wronged" first. Even when Jason let him know that we would discuss the situation with Sam he still was aggressive and nasty. The situation with the father escalated to the point that we had to involve the school to get the kids put on separate buses. Luckily this is an option in our village. Who knows what mess it would have caused if it wasn't. When he tried to get physical with Jason, Jason let him know that any further aggression from anyone in the family would result in the MPs being called. That was the last problem we had with them. I am relieved to be able to tell you that the family has since moved.

I could easily twist this situation to make us look like the hapless victims. If I asked you to look at it from our perspective you do see an unapproachable parent. Who would want to subject themselves to that? It's the "posterchild" case for avoiding parental confrontation at all costs. But we know far more kids who have reasonable parents. I think it's more likely that parents will behave as we know that our friends would, rather than Hank and Peggy's dad. I think he is the exception, not the rule. So here's what I want you to do. Imagine, if you will, what this scenario would look like from the other parents' perspective. I'm willing to bet that they had family and friends supporting them in their approach to this problem. I've seen the mob mentality that develops when opinions are formed in a vacuum. Our child, as the original "aggressor", is the one that gets the bad reputation...but is that really the reality of the situation? Did Sam behave in a way that was unusual for a 10-year-old boy in the same situation? Was he right to behave the way he did? No! But to demonize him (and Jason and I), as these parents did, was much worse.

Do you automatically believe that kids who cause trouble are lacking something in the parenting department? Have you been on either side of a similar situation? What did you do?

e-mail: the boys' new frontier

When is the right time to introduce children to the internet? What is the "appropriate" age for a kid to have his own e-mail account? At what age can kids expect even a modicum of privacy in these (and possibly other) matters? Is it at 16? Birth? When they move out? These are questions with which nearly every parent struggles in today's culture. It's difficult for Jason and I to figure out the "right" answer when the environment our kids live in is so completely different from that of our own childhood.

Our older boys are nearly-13 and 8. Samuel has already been told several times that he may not have a MySpace account. He started asking around the age of 9. (He had a friend who had her own account. Said friend was 7 at the time which, I'm not going to lie, I judged far too young.) For a variety of reasons we just haven't felt that Sam has been ready for any kind of account, e-mail or otherwise. But he's almost 13 now. As I posted on Friday, we have family and friends spread out all over the world. He would also like to keep track of some of his friends from school. We're a military family; so are his friends'. They all move around a lot. He would like to "talk" to them more often and I know that they would like to talk to him as well. So for the past several months, Jason and I have been considering the various options for getting the boys on the web.

But wait! Isn't Jake only 8? What's up with that? Isn't that some sort of double standard? How unfair!

Yeah, there is a certain amount of inequality to allowing Jake have his own account at 8. We own that. But to answer all my questions from the opening paragraph, we don't feel that there is "an" appropriate age. Not a one-size-fits-all one anyway. Each kid is different and they have to be treated as individuals. Jake is a lot more mature for his age than Samuel is. At some point that is going to even out but, for now, it is the simple truth. He will more than likely only interact with family and family friends for the time being as I am sure that the majority of his friends do not have their own e-mail account right now. But he will have his own.

As far as the definition of "own"...well, they are kid accounts. We opened an sub-accounts under our main account for each of them. They can only receive e-mails from pre-approved e-mail addresses. They can't participate in any chatting of any kind. There is monitoring software involved. We have the passwords to their accounts. (If they change them we can still get into them...remember, their accounts are sub-accounts of our own.) So while they do have their own account, they have zero privacy. I don't know when that might change. We'll cross that bridge as we come to it.

So as we start to saw away at this particular apron string I ask, when did (or do) you plan to introduce your kids to the internet? Have you already? If you already did, do you feel like you timed it "right"? Or do you think you were too early or late?