hard to find, difficult to leave, impossible to forget...

I don't have a lot of friends. I don't mean that in a "boo-hoo, woe is me" kind of way; I mean it in an "I'm super picky and y'all aren't all going to make the cut" kind of way*. I know that sounds awful, but I suspect that there are a lot of people out there who feel that way. I'm just not an acquaintance kind of girl. I'd rather have one close friend than 60 people to chat up about the weather every day**.

The people I call friends are, in a word, fantastic. We may be scattered to the four winds, but the physical distance doesn't affect how close we are in our hearts. We keep in touch in fits and spurts online and by phone, but when we get together? It's as though we just had lunch the day before. These people are more family to me than anything and I cherish them with every ounce of my being. I couldn't be more thankful for their presence in my life if I tried. (Of course, that does not keep me from trying!)

As I've gotten older it has become increasingly more rare to find people to stick into that "friend file". It used to bother me but I think it is normal, honestly. It's easy to make friends when it is just you and the other person; it's when you start adding in other personalities (in the form of spouses and children) that things start to go south. (I have a theory that it becomes easier to make friends again once the kids are out of the house. I'll get back to you in 20 years and let you know how that goes.)

This is something that has been on my mind quite a bit for the past few weeks. We're in a new place and I'm at that point where I've been here long enough to feel a little settled in but not so long as to have gotten close to anyone--I'm a little lonely some days. I really can't wait to meet some new people. The thing is, I think I may be completely ruined in terms of expectations. In the last two years that we were in Germany, something so freakishly awesome and unexpected happened. I'm pretty sure it's a rare occurrence and I doubt it will ever happen again: We found a family that was a perfect fit for our own.

We could cook together, play cards, travel, watch the most craptacular movies in the world (Jason has a gift!), or play FB games together while in the same room. It didn't matter what we did, everything was a blast; yes, even when it resulted in me being stranded at a train station with four children while everyone else (and all the keys and money!) sped away on the train track.

Melanie and Will: You guys reminded me that friends can simply be there with no strings or expectations, that sometimes the best plans are no plans at all, and that it's okay to just walk away after your child potentially causes an international incident. (After taking a few pictures of course!) We miss you guys!

*This does not mean anything in terms of how I feel about people in general. I really like most people and will happily chat about the weather with just about anyone; however, the criteria for someone being my "friend" is usually that the person in question has to enjoy being around me and all my idiosyncrasies. In other words, someone who loves me because of my quirks, not despite them. If this statement is still rubbing you the wrong way then we probably don't use the same definition of the word friend.

**Not that there is anything wrong with talking about the weather. I will happily talk with anyone about the weather. It's my go-to for small talk, honestly. My badly made point was that if you offer me one close friend or 60 acquaintances--I'll choose the one. Doesn't everyone feel that way, though?

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This post was written in response to a Reverb10 prompt about a friend who has changed me or my perspective on the world. Yeah, I haven't been doing a great job keeping up with that, but this one was half-written anyway!

On Being Home

Sometimes it's hard to believe that we're back. I wonder, often, how long that will last. It's been almost four months since we boarded that plane in Germany and headed back to the states. We are, and always have been, Americans. This is our home and it is definitely where we belong.

So why does it still feel so weird?

I remember when Jason and I first started noticing a change in what seemed "normal" for us, back when we were still living in Germany. It started happening around the four year mark, a little before we took our first trip back to visit family. Driving around through the German countryside seemed normal and every day; honestly, we started to take it for granted a little. The landmarks, architecture, and general scene-setting in America-based movies seemed more foreign to us than those which were European-based. Someone speaking English was more likely to catch my attention than someone speaking a "foreign" language; it just stuck out more. It seemed that every day something else happened that made us realize how familiar living in Europe had become to us.

The situation became even more apparent when we were visiting family in 2007. We flew into Indianapolis first and drove up to my hometown which--while not exactly tiny--is not very big. It's just a regular-sized Midwestern town. The largest store in town is the big, blue "W" (although I guess they aren't all blue anymore) and that is where we headed when we went to get our toiletries and things. So far so good, right? Normal visit, no big deal.

It was all fine until we walked into the toothpaste aisle. I took one look at the number of products available and wanted to run back to the van to hide. It was completely overwhelming. An entire aisle, both sides, dedicated to tooth care. Madness! There just wasn't that much to choose from in Germany, on or off base. It wasn't just the toothpaste, either; we ran into the same situation in the toy section, the baby food section, and the sock section.

I don't know if I have the words to make you realize how strange and foreign all the options are after going so long without. What I can tell you is that our reaction to being back in "the land of plenty" was so obvious and strong that a man, at least 60 years old and not an employee, approached us and asked if we needed any help. Yes, it was truly that bad!

And now we're back for good. (Well, you know, probably.) The first few weeks were a little rough. Grocery shopping was hideous at first. I think the first few trips topped over an hour simply because there were so many new products to sort through. It took us three attempts before we could finally pick out a type of air freshener. The scent wasn't the problem; it was the brand and style. And, as if the number of options in any one given store isn't overwhelming enough, there's the fact that there is more than one place to shop here. More than two, even. Each store has different options than the one before it. I almost don't like to go shopping.

Almost.

Things are getting better, but there is still a lot of adjusting going on around here. I think that may continue up until next August, and maybe beyond. I figure we'll probably start to feel somewhat normal about two weeks before we get our next set of orders. Doesn't that sound about right?

Have you ever lived overseas? What challenges did you face arriving in your host country? What surprised you most about coming home?

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This post started out as a response to a Reverb10 prompt. It took on a life of its own and veered off course.

Reverb10: One Word

Picking one word to describe a whole year probably sounds very difficult; I think I would even agree most years. This year is different, though. This entire year was completely and utterly about our move back to the states. The beginning of the year was dedicated to preparing for the move. Sorting and organizing and cleaning and everything else that serves to ready a home for a move. There was discussion about where we could go, weighing of options that presented to us, research of the area where we ultimately ended up, and planning for the big journey. The middle of the year was the move itself: packing out, flying out, and arriving at our new home. And the end of this year has been all about getting settled in and learning about our new area firsthand. But all those things, all those words, really boil down to one big idea: change.

That is not all that has happened this year. I've felt a huge shift in myself this year as well. A change in the way I view life and my place in it. A change in my willingness to share of myself. A change in my ability to be the person I want to be. It's been a big year. A huge year.

It's been a little exhausting.

Going forth into 2011, I would like the waves in our life to settle into ripples. I crave routine and ordinary life after years of chaos and turmoil. I want stability. I want contentment. I want my boat to be steady.

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This post is part of the online initiative, Reverb 10. Please go check out the site and see what it is all about; it's a really great concept!