Monday, January 17, 2011

While I Was Out...

The middle of last week found me in a not-nice place. I struggle with depression (yes, of the diagnosed persuasion) and I flounder every once in awhile. This particular drop was about two weeks long; that is the longest stretch I have had in awhile and, rest assured, I will be heading to the doctor soon.

I took this break from the internet for a number of reasons. I found myself hiding some of my friends on my FB feed. (This is something I have a personal policy against. I think it's ridiculous to have people on your friends list if you aren't interested in seeing what they have to say. Sorry if you do that, but that's just how I see it.) I was being extraordinarily hard on myself (even worse than usual) because everyone in blogland seemed to have it together and what the hey was wrong with me?! I was getting super-frustrated with the lack of interest from my extended family in the kids and our little family. (This is something with which I struggle frequently.) Overall, I was just getting all kinds of wound-up over things that just weren't all that important and/or were completely beyond my control. I needed a break.

I had some big plans to get myself in a more centered place. I was going to get organized and restart my menu and get a great exercise routine going...none of that happened. I did stay off the internet (that was surprisingly easy, to be honest), but I ended up spending a ton of time on the phone instead.

The first day of my self-imposed internet blackout my step-mom had a series of small strokes. She's young and healthy and there is absolutely no "reason" that this should have happened to her. The first couple days were very stressful as my dad, brother, and I tried to keep in touch and updated. (Dad lives in El Paso (but was in Vegas when it happened), my brother is in LA, and I am in Northern California.) I spent most of Thursday in bed crying because it was just so freaking hard. It sucks to be this far away when bad things are going on.

The last two days have shown HUGE improvements, though. Although she will continue to have some lasting effects from the strokes, it looks like she will be able to get nearly back to where she was before this happened. (She is heading into in-patient therapy on Tuesday. If you are so inclined, I would very much appreciate some prayers and positive thoughts heading her way. She's Barb W. in El Paso. Please and thank you.)

Despite all this, I am in a better place today than I was last week. (Yes, I brought my FB friends back out of retirement after logging in earlier this evening.) I'm back to being just regular-hard on myself. (Still need to work on that but at least it's back to a manageable level.) As far as the extended family thing...well, it is what it is. People can only be who they are and I'm just going to have to keep reminding myself of that.

Oh! One more thing that I did learn. I've always kind of wondered what I was not doing when I was online. I mean, the internet (in its present state) isn't all that old. I sometimes wonder what I would be doing if I wasn't online at the times I am. My guess has always been sleep and I was half right. Turns out that the other thing is laundry. I can't remember the last time I was this caught up on my laundry. Not only are things clean--they are folded and put away too! Who knew?!


  1. I am sorry to hear about your step mom! I will be saying a prayer for her and your are in my thoughts. Winter is always a very hard time for me. Stuck in the house mostly grey days lends itself to some pretty sad days. This is the first winter that I am not working-- though I am looking for a job- that makes it even harder bc getting out of the house is not forced.

    You, like me, have had a lot of change in the recent past-- and that for me is one of the hardest parts.

    Good for you for recognizing the problem and getting the help you need to make it back into the light.

  2. I'm glad you're back, though I'm sorry to hear about the stuff going on your life. I have your step-mom in my thoughts. And congrats on folding AND putting away the laundry! Putting away laundry is my most hated task.

  3. There is so much truth here. We've had a LOT of foggy days lately; I know that is contributing to some of my issues. And the move, while welcome and a "good" thing, was a huge stress.

    Thanks for the prayers for my family. I know it will help. :)

  4. Me too. I would rather do almost anything than fold and put away laundry.

  5. Thank you, Rosie! I was happy to see your last post earlier tonight; you definitely sounded more upbeat! :)



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