After my last weight update post a couple of you asked me about my trips to the scale. Billie wanted to know how often I weigh myself and Chubby Girl just flat out asked me what I was thinking jumping on the scale so soon after a weigh in. The answer to both questions is that I weigh myself every single day.
Yes, I am one of those people.
I have never had a healthy relationship with food or my weight. When I was in middle school I decided I would rather have the money that my parents gave me to buy my lunch than the lunch itself. Oh, some days I would buy a Shasta and Whatchamacallit from the student store, but most days I just skipped. Breakfast? Breakfast I might have a few saltine crackers and a popsicle. Maybe. A lot of the time I skipped that too. Of course, I was absolutely famished when I got home. Sometimes I would skip eating just to prove that I could do it. Other times I would binge on whatever I could find in the house that would get me in the least amount of trouble. (There were a lot of things in the house that I was not allowed to eat--but that is probably a whole different post.)
I don't remember what I weighed in middle school (I'm guessing I didn't have regular access to a scale), but at the beginning of high school I fluctuated between 109 and 119. During my senior year--when I had a job at a local fast food place and my parents went through their first separation--my weight stayed between 119 and 129. (I have this thing about 9's, apparently. I never noticed that until now.) I wonder now if it's normal for kids to have that much of a fluctuation in their weight? I've never considered that either.
I joined the Air Force right out of high school. I was in the delayed enlistment program which, in my case, means that I went and did the physical and signed most of the paperwork my junior year. When I went in to do the physical my weight was 112. At 5'7" the minimum weight I was allowed to weigh was 109. The nurse, who knew my dad, told me she was going to round up my weight to 115--just to give me a little padding.
It is crazy for me to remember these things.
When I left for basic I was at 129. I remember how mortified I was to almost be 130 pounds. This wasn't helped by the fact that everyone (and, man, I really mean everyone) noticed that weight gain. Between all the physical training and the fact that I eat really slow (thus never finishing an entire meal the entire time I was there) I graduated basic at 119. It was mostly muscle (you could see my ab muscles for the first time ever which still impresses me) and I was in a size 5 for jeans and whatnot. At my height, 119 is in the normal weight, but just barely. Another pound or two and I would have been officially "underweight." I looked like a skeleton, but I still thought I could lose weight. I look at the pictures now and I want to cry for that girl. In a lot of ways she was way more screwed up than I am now.
So, anyway. Never a healthy relationship.
I can't remember if I talked about it over here (I know I did at the other blog), but when I did the Phase 1 portion of South Beach back in October I didn't weigh myself the whole time. I am seriously considering doing something similar again. I wonder if I might have more success if I took the pressure off myself with those blasted numbers and just made my decisions every day based on what was right for my health. I realize this is not a ground breaking new theory or anything, but it's not one that I have ever employed.
I don't have a snazzy way to end this post. I guess I'm wondering if any of my fellow weight loss bloggers have had these emotional issues with food like I have? (I mean, specifically from those of you reading this. Of course I realize that I'm not the only one in the world. I do watch Biggest Loser!) Have you written a post about the start of your weight trouble? Or your preoccupation with numbers? Please share the link(s) with me (or write something today, if you are so inclined). I would love to read them.