what i've been up to when i wasn't here

You know how sometimes you put off doing something because it makes you really, really nervous? And then you finally bite the bullet and, hey! It's not so bad! You can't figure out why you put it off for so long to begin with? You should have been doing this all along! Your life is changed in so many wonderful ways!

Taking college classes online? Not one of those things. For me, anyway.

I really thought that I would struggle with online classes. I like to have a flesh-and-blood teacher who can answer all my questions. I like to sit in class and take notes that I never look at again. The simple act of writing what I am hearing and seeing helps me remember. The idea of not having that scared the tar out of me. How would I learn anything?

I have a couple of problems with the face-to-face classes, though. My husband works a ridiculous amount of hours and has a completely unpredictable schedule. He sometimes does not get home until 9 PM; sometimes he works nights. I can't make plans to do anything on one evening a week beforehand, let alone multiple nights over the course of two months. Paying for someone to watch the kids is pricey and just not in the budget. It's not a convenient time for night classes right now.

In addition, I am a mom to four kids: Two of them are school age, one is a new toddler, and the other is a hell-on-wheels pre-schooler. (I love him, but it's true!) A lot of people think that having kids gets easier once they go to school; after all, they are gone six to eight hours out of the day. How hard can it be? To those people I have a few words of warning: Homework. Band. Yearbook. Homework. Friends. Homework. Teacher conferences. Did I mention homework yet? And even if that were true, I do have the little ones all day anyway. So, yeah. Free time? Not so much.

Anyway. The point is that face-to-face classes just aren't an option for me right now; however, I really want to finish my degree! I think we can all agree that it is obvious that I have to figure out a different path or put my plan on hold. Enter: online classes. I was going to have to get over the fear.

The truth is, it wasn't that bad. I was most scared of the coursework; I didn't need to be. It was easy enough once I got used to the formats of the online classrooms. (Two classes; two different formats. Somehow, I did not see that coming.) I had my books, I had my online reading, and I had weekly assignments. It was relatively organized, really. The problem that I never considered was the interaction level with the other students.

When I take a class I like to really discuss things. I like to debate. I like listening to the viewpoints of the other students. It's another form of learning and I get something more than just knowledge out of it. Each student in the class has had a completely different life; it only makes sense that we would all see the world through different eyes. The neatest classroom moments for me are the ones when someone says something about their point of view and it becomes clear to me why they see it that way. Not that I change my mind, you understand; just that I can see where they are coming from when I couldn't before. I think that is one of the most important aspects of schooling; if not the most important.

It never occurred to me that there wouldn't be a good interaction level online. Had you asked me, I probably would have said that it would be better than face-to-face. Boy, would I have been wrong! The people in my classes weren't interested in learning for the sake of learning. They just wanted to check off a box on their transcripts. Most of them dialed in the effort--and it showed. People turned in their individual assignments and then everyone would post under them "Hey, great job!" in order to get their participation points. There was no debate to speak of--and there could have been great debate! It was so frustrating for me.

I can certainly respect that some people just aren't interested in certain topics. I also understand that a lot of people dial in the effort in a face-to-face class too. I just don't see a lot of discussions going on in a regular classroom where one student says, "Well, I think this" and then everyone else in the room says, "Oh yeah! Me too. I think that exact same thing." Had the same people been in a "real" classroom setting, I think things would have gone very differently.

If it is the only, best option that someone has I think that earning an online degree is not a terrible thing, but I can tell you that I won't be returning to an online setting. Luckily for me, I have the option to wait a year or two and then go back once the youngest is in pre-school. We may also be in a better place a few months from now; there's no telling what kind of job Jason might get. It's possible that he could get a steadier schedule, which would allow me the flexibility to take a class here and there. One can hope, anyway.

For now, I'm just glad it's over.

hello...hello...hello...echo...echo...echo...

Yeah, so for the six of you who show up on a half-way regular basis...I'm coming back. No, really! I had to drop something to keep doing well at school. My choices were to quit feeding the blog or quit feeding the kids; I figured that the blog would still be around after a few weeks of neglect so it was probably safer to go this way. Hopefully you understand!

Exams tomorrow and Thursday. One last assignment in one of the classes. That is all that stands between me and (relative) freedom. See you in a few days!

P.S. By the way, I will be back-dating over on the 365 blog. I didn't give up; I just haven't had the time to upload and edit photos.

a list because i'm lazy

1. School is kicking my butt. It's all I can do to get the basic household necessities done...oh wait. That's right...I'm NOT! I am so thankful that Jason does the laundry. If he didn't we would be in trouble.

2. I'm kicking school's butt. So far. I see the potential for some problems in the second half of the term but as of right now I'm doing really well.

3. But I'm so burnt out that I had to request ideas for my biology paper on Facebook. Is that bad? Oh well. I only got one suggestion...but it was an awesome suggestion and I took it.

4. Did you know it's almost Christmas? Ack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need way more time than I have.

5. Izzy is walking pretty well now. We're working on the "W-sit" thing still. He really isn't talking still but he's communicating a little. He repeats us a ton but he's not independently using any words yet. He'll use the sign for "more" and he points A LOT now. So we're getting there.

6. Jason put in for an assignment to San Antonio. Although he's a GREAT fit for the job there is a possible timing issue (they want someone a little sooner than what we are due to leave here) so we'll see if it works out or not. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I have been researching schools. The University of Texas San Antonio has a Geography program. I've found a pretty kick-butt pre-school for Zander too.

7. Um...I guess I don't actually have a "7". Hope everyone else out there is doing well.

yes, a little "help" may be in order

Yesterday marked the beginning of the third week of my online college courses. The first week went well. I didn't get my books right away, but there was minimal reading to do anyway. Most everything I needed was posted in our online "classroom" which streamlined the whole thing quite nicely. I thought, "Wow! This isn't so bad. Maybe this will be a little easier than I thought."

And then came week two.

Week two was rough; I'm not going to lie. There was a LOT of reading. Online and in the books. There were a bunch of exercises due. There was a grammar quiz and a biology project...it sucked. I was staying up entirely too late every night to keep things moving along. On top of that, none of the work from the previous week had been graded yet. So while I thought I did okay the first week, I couldn't be 100% sure.

And then oh boy. Then the grammar teacher started posting warning notices to the class at large. Notices that a third of the class had not turned in their assignment yet. Notices that some of those who had had used the wrong format when saving their files. Notices that there were several of us who were starting the term at a loss because of stupid errors. (Okay, she didn't say "stupid". That is me editorializing for dramatic effect.) Notices that let us all know that any assignment that was late due to being in the wrong format would still be getting an "F" even if it had been "turned in" on time. I started to get a little concerned. Why? Well, because that is what I do.

So one early morning (except it was really late at night because I had not been to bed yet) I tried, once again, to check my grade on my grammar assignment. It still wasn't there. So I figured that I would double-check the attachment. You know, just to make sure that I had saved it correctly when I submitted it the day before it was due. Nine days earlier. I login to the classroom, click on portfolio, click on the assignment in question...

Oh.my.

WRONG FORMAT WRONG FORMAT WRONG FORMAT! ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those were pretty much my exact words. You know, minus the intense cussing and sobs that occurred in real life.

I e-mailed the teacher. No cussing, but definitely hysterical. I saved the cussing for the e-mail that I sent to Jason. (He happened to be working a night shift that night and was not home to witness the hysteria that ensued.) It was, without a doubt, the absolute cussingest e-mail I have ever written. So much so that I just invented "cussingest" as a way to describe it because people? There were no words to describe the foulness of that e-mail. It was that bad.

And then I waited. My teacher is in a different time zone and it was the weekend. So I had to sit around and try to figure out whether to take myself out of the class in an attempt to preserve my GPA or if I would be able to do well enough the rest of the class to make up for this colossal error. It was a rough 36 hours. And here's part of the e-mail she sent me:

I am not sure what to say to you, though, about your assignments, as everything you've turned in has been turned in both on time AND in the proper format. This should help you feel better? No worries there.

So far, I think you are doing just fine in our class. You do good work, and you submit it when it is due. Are there any other concerns that I can help you with or work together with you on?

I've highlighted the important part but I'm pretty sure that the last sentence there is her way of asking me if I need some kind of drug therapy. You know, or a referral to a really great shrink. Shock treatments? Something. I have no idea now what made me think that I had screwed up the format. I think the "3 am" thing may have had something to do with it. The fact that it was the third 3 am I had seen in a row probably didn't help. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

To top it off, I got an "A" on the assignment in question. And the professor asked me if she could post it as an example of an "A" paper for the rest of the class. I told her yes, of course. If for no other reason than I'm happy she didn't ask to post my e-mail as a fine example of neurosis!