Has it Really Been 15 Years?!

Fifteen years ago today I rolled out of bed and started my day. I didn't have to be in class--it was a Saturday--but I did have some place to be. I dressed myself in a pair of blue jeans and a red sweater (my mother's). I think I was wearing brown loafers. I think.

We are, and always have been, a low-key couple.

I went to Jason's room and knocked on the door. Waited. Waited. Knocked again. Finally, his roommate answered the door. He took a look at me and yelled at Jason to get up. Jason--still in bed!--gave me a startled look and, apologizing, ran for the bathroom to get ready. When he was finally ready (jeans and a blue jean shirt for him), we called a cab and headed downtown.

This should have been my first clue that he was always going to be the prima donna in this relationship.

The building was closed, so we hung out on the steps for a few minutes. Just before 9 AM, the secretary showed up and let us in. We filled out some paperwork and waited around for a few minutes. I remember that I thought about my parents and my brother; Nate had a basketball game that day and it was supposed to start at 8 AM their time. He would just be hitting the court now. Game time. The Justice of the Peace showed up and we said our vows. It was just the two of us, the JOP, and the secretary. A few of my classmates had offered to come out with us that morning but we opted to go alone. I'm still glad we did it that way, although it would have been nice to have a couple pictures of the day. If only to prove to people that this is how we really did it!

To this day, Jason and I have lived our life together while life goes on for everyone else. Every big event in our life has been ours, and ours alone. I think this has made our relationship stronger than it might have been otherwise.

I was on day shift; he was on nights. I was 18; he was 21. We didn't have a lot of family approval at the time. Heck, most of our friends didn't like the fact that we were together. We weren't supposed to be heading to the same base after school. We had known each other for approximately 88 days. We were both coming out of long term relationships which just didn't make the transition into military life. We owed our relationship to a random pair of red cowboy boots (and matching hat!) in the middle of a Texas shopping mall. The odds really could not have been stacked against us much more than they were.

Yet, here we are, 15 years and four kids later. Of course there have been struggles. Of course there have been rough patches. Our life together has taken some incredible turns which neither of us could have seen coming...but we're still together. And we're still happy. I don't see that changing any time soon.

Jason, you are my very best friend. You are the light of my life. I love you more than I could ever, ever say. I treasure the moments you are with me and long for your presence when you aren't. I can't imagine my life without you, not for one single minute. You are my perfect match in every way and quite possibly the only person on the face of the planet who could put up with my quirks and habits for 15 seconds, let alone love me because of them for 15 years. You and I were made to be together. I believe that to the depths of my soul.

I love you, baby. Happy anniversary.

Day Nine: A Photo I Took

So remember way back in June when I started the "30 Days of Me" posts? Yeah, me neither really. June seems like it was 10 years ago! I really want to finish these, so I'm going to get back into them a little. I doubt I'll go straight through, but I'm determined to get it done. I've done days one through eight, so we'll start off with the ninth day, which is supposed to be a photo I took. Here's a round-up for those who are interested:

Day 01: Favorite Song

Day 02: Favorite Movie

Day 03: Favorite TV program

Day 04: Favorite Book

Day 05: Favorite Quote

Day 06: Writer's Choice

Day 07: Photo that Makes Me Happy

Day 08: Photo that Makes Me Angry/Sad

***

Taking photos is something that I love to do; it is one of the many reasons you will rarely see me in our family pictures. Unfortunately, my camera is just a point-and-shoot. I do my best, but my pictures are never going to be quite as clear and lovely as those who have the yummy DSLR cameras. Maybe someday, right? In the meantime, I'll just keep snapping away!

Since the majority of my latest pictures are from things I want to blog about, I'm going to dig into the archives a little. This picture is from the family reunion we went to in Indiana. It had been years and years since I had been able to attend the annual reunion. In fact, I think it was the biggest family gathering we managed to have ever. There were a few cousins missing, but that was it. I'm happy that it worked out that way because it made Grandma so happy to have so many of us there together.

As people are wont to do at family gatherings, we did a bunch of posed pictures that day. Grandma wanted pictures of each of her kids (five total) with all of their individual families, so we had a big, old photo session. It was nuts! People gathered up on stairs and in front of trees, various adults called for children to "Look at me! Look here! Smile!", silly children made faces and giggled when the exasperated adults would snap the photo at just the wrong time; it was spectacular. The whole time all this was going on, Grandma and Grandpa sat up on the big, screened-in porch and watched. From time to time one of them would point out a particularly funny scene to the other and they would smile or laugh. Together.

Together. It's how I always think of them. Grandma was gone eight months after that family reunion. I'm so glad she got that day. It meant so much to her.

I took this picture when my aunt, cousin, and I were up on the porch taking pictures of Grandma and Grandpa. It is one of my favorite pictures from the day. This is what 60 years of marriage should look like.

the little things

We are frequently asked what we miss most about being away from the states. Some of the big answers are a given, I think. All things related to the extended family come first, of course. Having a 6+ hour time difference between us and everyone else in the world we love rather bites. Phone calls are a pain, to be certain. We also miss being able to drive to wherever everybody is. That darn Atlantic Ocean makes the transportation of six people a little difficult.

But aside from that our answers would probably surprise you. We miss light switches and doorknobs. We miss ice in our drinks when we go out to eat. We miss being able to go to the hardware store in our ratty painting clothes without causing a near international incident. We miss fishing without a license. We miss big parking spaces, stores that are open 24 hours, Arby's curly fries, and Wendy's. The little things.

When Jason left to go to San Antonio he asked me what I wanted him to bring back. Christmas is coming up and our anniversary was this week. I could have probably asked for just about anything but I could only think of one thing.


Have I mentioned lately how awesome my husband is? I love him. And it really is the little things. You know?

situation back to normal

It has been such a long time since this family has dealt with TDYs and deployments that I had rather forgotten some of the details. Of course I knew that I would miss Jason while he was away. (Although a case could be made that I had forgotten just how much.) I also fully expected a refresher in the "TDY rule" which states that something terrifically horrible would happen the moment he got in the taxi to leave for the airport. (Surprisingly enough, that really didn't happen this time. I was expecting hospitalized sicknesses or a house fire.) And of course I knew the kids would go through a ticked-at-mom stage after he left. (Because I obviously want to send Jason away so I can operate in a 4 on 1 kid to parent ratio. Right!) Those are easy to remember. No-brainers, if you will.

A few things that had escaped my memory to one degree or another:

• Life without Jason just isn't as fun. The workload instantly doubles, leaving less time and energy for the fun things in life. Even things that are normally enjoyable become mere labor to just get done. Life rapidly becomes the equivalent of wash, rinse, repeat.
  
• Seeing the truck in the driveway every time I look out the window gives me that initial "he's home!" jolt -- even though I know he's not here. It's like he leaves 20 times a day instead of just that once. Also, I never realized how often I look out the window over the course of the day.
• I suddenly realized little things that I love about having him around. One example (and this might be a little weird) is the fact that I like how I can smell his soap when I first start the shower in the morning. I guess it's from remnants in the drain or something. I would never have realized that I enjoy that if I hadn't had to miss it. Heck, I never even consciously noticed it until he was gone.
  

As much as we had to get used to the part where he is gone though, we also forgot how you have to get used to the return. This last trip was only two weeks long. I wouldn't have thought that we would "get used" to him being away so quickly. Two weeks isn't all that long and it has been years since Jason has left for any amount of time at all. You know what, though? We did get used to it. Don't get me wrong. It still sucked that he was away. It's just that we weren't all sitting around moaning and moping that Jason/daddy wasn't here.

Some of it was probably that there was just so much going on. (Still is.) I started school, Sam had a band concert, I idiotically signed up for NaNoWriMo, we had the appointment for Izzy to prep for (which is code for: lots of cleaning); all on top of our normal, everyday schedule. We did all these things and more and in the end we were just living our lives, same as always.

There was even a little part that was easier. I hesitate to put that in here because he's going to read this and I don't want to hurt his feelings. (Hi, baby!) The simple truth is that his job here...well, it sucks. It does not allow for family time at all. His schedule is crap. He works long hours at unpredictable times and his hours change constantly. I'm not complaining here; I'm just stating a simple fact. We deal for the most part but it is difficult. I would be lying if I tried to say that it has not been a challenge to get back into working around Jason's work schedule.

Again though, it's the little things that really get you. I'm used to knowing exactly where the van keys are, exactly how much milk is in the fridge, the exact status of the laundry...things that I just knew because I was the only one here. Now that Jason is back (an occurrence for which I am so happy that there are no words to express my feelings!) I am constantly trying to figure out where something went or realizing that we are out of something or, well, I think you get the general idea.

But just in case...here's a question for you. Who was the last one to use the syrup? There's a good question. Did it get put away? Hmmm...my guesses are "Zander" and "no". What do you think?


To answer the two most obvious questions: no, the netbook wasn't there at the time and the syrup bottle was half-full before Z-man got a hold of it. Empty when he was done, of course! At least I have my partner in crime to help me clean up afterward. I love you, baby! We missed you so much!


(Just a little note: in no way am I comparing this little return to the actual phenomenon of redeployment. While I am sure that there are similarities in a very general sense, there is a degree of scale that makes them two separate issues altogether. I am very much aware of that!)

ff: perceptions

Ah, Facebook quizzes. What would I do without them? (Probably some dusting. It would be more productive for sure!) Every once in awhile one catches my eye and I just can't resist taking it. Who doesn't want to know how long they could last during a Zombie attack (turns out, not so very long in my case) or which Scrubs character they are most like (I am Chocolate Bear...if you watch the show, you understand). What do you mean, "massive waste of time"? These are important matters, I am telling you.

So last week I took the quiz "Which Movie Couple are You and Your Significant Other?" After a few run-of-the-mill questions, the quiz spit out my result. We are apparently the most like Alli and Noah from "The Notebook". Of course this is the one movie/book I have not seen/read so I had no idea what that might mean. Luckily for me, the quiz writer put together a lovely little blurb to explain.

You have had your struggles but the fire between the 2 of you hasn't and won't go out. You 2 are crazy about each other. You have a unique love story. People envy the 2 of you. The love you share is so passionate, you make people cry. I wish everyone was as lucky as you!

Awww, right? It sounds great. And while these quizzes should never actually be taken seriously (according to one, I have an 80% chance of getting married and will have 2.3 kids), this one is relatively close to true in our case. I'm not sold on the use of the word "passionate" but we are crazy about each other, there is enough, ahem, "fire" involved and ours (like most) is a unique love story. Unfortunately, the "envy" part rings true as well.

I have had someone throw the phrase "perfect husband, perfect family" in my face during a disagreement. And while only the one person has actually verbalized this bitterness toward me, others have expressed it through their actions. It's not really something you can fight against; once someone has decided that your relationship is superior to their own and, furthermore, that this means that you believe that you are superior to them, there isn't much you can do about it. It's a frustrating situation because the only way to convince them otherwise is to lay out all your dirty laundry to show them just how "imperfect" your relationship really is. I'm just not going to do that.

I don't think we're perfect at all. We don't allow people on the inside of our marriage; that's just how we do things. For the majority of our marriage the worst thing people would hear me say about Jason is that it takes him forever to put his socks on*. (And it does! I've never known anyone who can stretch that one activity out more. Argh!) Does that mean that he doesn't do anything else that I have trouble with? No, not by a long shot! And you gotta know that I drive him up the wall at times. We've both hurt each other terribly on more than one occasion. But we've nearly always had mutual friends; people who were just as close to one of us as the other. I'm not going to put those people in the situation of feeling as though they have to "choose sides"** and neither is he. It's just not fair to anyone involved.

Our marriage is not perfect. It actually irritates me to think that anyone can think we got to where we are today without putting a lot of work into our relationship and family. It has not been an easy ride by any stretch of the imagination. It has been a lot of work and we've had more than just some "struggles". We've been down some very dark roads together. There have been times when we weren't sure what was going to happen to our relationship. I think this is true of nearly anyone who has been together for any decent length of time regardless of how "perfect" they may look from the outside. I find myself hoping that "The Notebook" has that as an underlying theme in the story. I'm guessing that it does...otherwise, where would the story be?

So does anyone else find themselves routinely perceived in a way that just doesn't ring true? How do you deal with it?

*This does not include when I started outing him about his smoking to anyone and everyone who would listen earlier this year. He was warned prior to me doing that though...so it doesn't count.

**Except that one time. Sorry, D.