Dear So and So: The (Mostly) Angry Edition

Dear Thieves,

Well. I guess you got us this time. That'll teach me to laugh at your ineptness. But please tell me...what exactly are you going to do with the remote to our DVD player without the player itself? Please don't take this as a dare to come get the DVD player...but I am honestly curious. Also, how are you enjoying the used cow bowling set that you stole out of the back of the van? I know it probably looked all important back there wrapped up in brown paper and addressed to someone else. I would have loved to see the look on your face when you opened up that bad boy. Mooo!

Tying a ribbon around my finger to remind me to double-check the locks,

Exasperated Van Owner

P.S. Did you really have to take my gum too? Really?

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Dear Random Woman in the Commissary,

Yes, we do know that there are velcro shoes out there. Thanks for the tip. HOWEVER. Our child is nearly nine-years-old now. We'd very much like for him to learn how to tie his shoes. That's why we switched from the velcro ones that he's been wearing since, oh, forever. In the future, should you hear a father telling his son that said child will be spending a little more time practicing the shoe tying thing and a little less time playing Gameboy over the weekend...well, perhaps you should butt out. Your input really isn't needed. Especially when you aim your "helpful input" at the child with a dirty look thrown toward the parent.

Wondering what is wrong with less Gameboy time,

An (Apparently) Old-Fashioned Parent

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Dear Air Force,

Piss or get off the pot. Seriously.

The Done Spouse,

me

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Dear Jason,

I hope you enjoy your special field trip with Jake today. I know he is soooo excited to have his daddy join him. The train, the zoo, and 40 elementary kids...

Better You Than Me,

Your Absolutely Adoring Wife :)

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Dear Zander,

Thank you, sweet boy, for being the comic relief in my week. Your bedtime story starring "Mom Trooper Girl Mandi" was every bit as awesome as you are. I will cherish forever the fact that you were the child to teach me to use the plunger. And I'm so glad that I managed not to laugh out loud when you complained that the "heat was too cold" in the van this morning. You are a joy, little man!

Love you,

Momma

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Dear Readers,

Want to read some more Dear So-and-So? I know you do! Head over to Kat's place for a little linky fun.

Dear So and So, The Online Yard Sale Edition

Dear Potential Buyer Group #1,

Why do you contact me to say that you are interested in something and then NEVER respond again? WTH? That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. How impulsive are you people, really?

Wondering what you are like in an actual store,

Frustrated Seller

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Dear Potential Buyer Group #2,

For those who do e-mail back saying, "Great! So glad this is still available! I really want it! When can I get it?!"...Why do you not follow up? I seriously don't get it. And there are so many of you! It's amazing. I'm sure there are some valid reasons out there and I know you don't owe me anything...but I can't help but wonder just due to the sheer percentage of people who do it.

No longer giving a "grace period" for each "interested" buyer,

Frustrated Seller

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Dear Potential Buyer Group #3,

For those who actually do arrange a time and then don't show up...WTF?! How rude are you? Is it so difficult to send a short e-mail and say, "Hey! I changed my mind/something came up/I decided that your item sucks ass and I don't want it."? How are you going to make an appointment and then just not show up? You suck, my friends. A lot.

Wanting you to know that my time is precious too,

Frustrated Seller

P.S. Probably not a good idea to call and throw a fit about us selling an item to someone else after you've no showed the night prior. Really?! If you tell us you'll be there one night to look at the item and you don't show up, we are completely in the right to move on to the next interested party. Get over yourself.

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Dear Buyers,

For those who e-mail, make an appointment, and actually show up...you guys rock. Seriously. You have no idea how rare you are. Thank you for being interested, following up, and following through. This moving gig will be easier with each and every item that you help me get out of my house.

Gratefully yours,

Relieved Seller

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Want to read some more Dear So and So? Head over to Kat's and join the party!

Dear So and So: A Little Bit of Everything

Dear Self,

Hi! Me again. Just wanted to let you know that you linked up to an old Dear So and So entry on the last MckLinky. Brilliant work, dear.

Love,

Yourself

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Dear Jason,

Can I just tell you how unbelievably happy I am that we are nearly done with this place? I will miss Germany, to be sure; I will not miss the politics of your current work environment or the 70+ hour work weeks. I will not miss having you in a situation where you get to see your kids for 20 minutes a night, 6 nights a week if you're lucky. I pray that we find you a place where you can be home when you're home. I never would have thought that something would be harder than having you gone 6 months out of every year...but this has been.

Missing You,

Mandi

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Dear Zander,

Being sprawled out in the middle of the yard with you was the highlight of my week. I loved exploring our little patch of grass, digging under it and finding out what lived there. It was fun to see how you concentrated on that little bitty spider hanging from that single blade of grass. The story you told me about the ant that lived in the flower we found will stay with me always. I'm sorry we couldn't "catch" one of the ants with a stick. Maybe we'll get a close up look next time.

Enchanted,

Momma

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Dear Facebook Friends,

I understand that we are all very passionate about our politics and that we all have the right to think and say and write whatever we want. I do. But here's the thing. Your status updates show up on my feed. (I think it is stupid to "friend" someone and then hide their feed. I mean, c'mon.) When you post something hateful about something that I believe, it's going to irritate me. I do believe that there are more tactful ways to go about sharing your political views. Super inflammatory posts don't make you look witty; they show just how intolerant you are to the views expressed by others. Also? When your argument devolves into, "If you don't agree with this then you are stupid/racist/bigoted/fill-in-nastiness-of-your-choice-here" my eyes are going to glaze over. At that point, you have lost the debate.

A Little Disgusted,

Amanda

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Dear Country,

I love you. It saddens me to know that I am coming back to a home so divided over so many basic things. Why can't you see that when others believe differently it isn't necessarily because they are wrong, it's that they have different priorities? Political issues are rarely right or wrong. It's all a question of balance. I fear for the direction of this country but it's not because we are going left or right...it's because we are splitting.

Sad for us all,

An American Citizen

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Dear Readers,

Head on over to Kat's for more Dear So and So fun!

Dear So and So

Dear Self,

I know that you think you are being smart when you stash something "here" (wherever "here" might be) so that you won't forget where it is...but really? Who are you kidding? That never works.

Wondering what to do with these Santa Claus cupcake papers,

Um, well, you

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Dear Germs,

Please? Whatever I did to offend you, I am sorry. Cease and desist, I beg of you!

Groveling pitifully,

*cough, cough, hack, cough*

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Dear Unnamed Person that I Don't Actually Know but Particularly Dislike,

Knock.It.Off. You are really, really starting to irritate me.

Feeling a little better,

His Wife

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Dear Air Force,

Thank you for sending my husband back home. Now if you could let us borrow him a few days this month, that would be awesome. Also? Please check your request box for our back-up assignment options. Any and all of those would be awesome so please just take your pick.

Hoping,

Amanda

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Dear Readers,

For more Dear So and So, head over to Kat's and read away. Or join in! C'mon! You know you want to.

Dear So and So Murphy's Law Edition

Dear Strep Throat,

I thought we had this discussion already? I thought I had made things perfectly clear but I guess not. The boys already took one round of meds in an attempt to get rid of you; why on earth would you get the idea we wanted you to return? And to both boys, no less?! Let me be perfectly clear, strep throat: You are not welcome here. GO AWAY!

More than a little miffed,

Mother to the two boys you are apparently stalking

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Dear Landlord,

I understand that this is a rental home. I haven't complained about the yucky kitchen cabinets that should have been replaced ages ago. I took it pretty well when you replaced our nice kitchen faucet with a cheaper and much smaller bathroom faucet, even though it makes my kitchen chores more tedious. But couldn't you please, please, please spring for whatever part will keep the water heater from dying every time we take a power hit? I'm so tired of dealing with cold showers and no working radiators while we wait for the maintenance guy to come.

With shivering blue lips,

Your current tenant

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Dear Thieves,

Did you really have to pick the week that Jason's gone to hit the neighborhood again? You suck. It's a little scary to know that you were rooting around in my van, pawing through my things. I have to admit that I laughed at you just a little, though. I wonder what you thought when you opened up the glove compartment to find nothing but extra hats, mittens, and chapstick? I bet that was quite the let-down. We know not to leave anything valuable in the vehicles but thanks for the reminder to double-check our locks!

Owner of the fully-loaded FOR KIDS van

P.S. You totally missed the DVDs that were tucked into the bottom of one of the compartments. Ha ha!

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Dear Mr. Murphy,

Seriously, dude. What do you have against military wives? This stuff NEVER happens to Jason when I am out of town. Not even when I was active duty and I was the one deployed. I repeat, NEVER. So not fair!

Thinking you are definitely sexist,

Amanda

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Like the Dear So and So letters? Head over to Kat's to read more. Better yet, use her Mcklinky to one of your own! C'mon! You know you want to.

Dear So and So

I liked last week's experience enough to repeat it! Here we go!

Dear Neighbor Kid,

Please do not stand at the gate line of our property and stare in through our windows. It is creepy and I don't like it. While we're at it, perhaps you and your friends could stop throwing things at our vehicles as we have repeatedly asked you to do? The neighbor relationship between your house and ours is already tenuous enough; let's not add to it, m'kay?

Pretty sure I'm not living in a fishbowl regardless of what you might think,

The Mean Neighborhood Mom

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Dear Hobby Lobby,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for shipping overseas to APO/FPO addresses! I wish I had known before now that you do so! We are moving soon so it doesn't help us much, but the families over here can use all the alternate shopping options they can get.

Sincerely meaning that you rock,

Amanda

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Dear children who live in my house,

I love you all. You are the stars in my night sky. But I swear that if you don't quit fighting I am going to duct tape you all to the ceiling. Seriously.

Smooches,

Momma

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Dear Spring,

Where are you?! I know last year I said that I really wish you would go away so that my dear husband's allergies would calm down but I did not mean for you to be gone for so long! I would now really like for the children to be able to play outside for hours at a time. Please come back. I will never take you for granted again. (Until sometime in May.)

Quietly calculating the amount of duct tape I need,

Amanda

dear so and so

So I ran across this idea through a series of blogs and I thought, "Oh! How neat!" I'm going to try it out and see how I like it. And lucky you, you get two posts today. You are welcome. Click on the button to check out Kat's blog and participate!

Dear Media,

I really, really do not care about Tiger Woods and his...extracurricular activities. Please stop shoving the story down my throat. Thanks!

Ready to hear about something that is for-real important,

Amanda

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Dear Air Force assignment list timeline,

You really suck. I would very much like to know before MAY where we will be moving our family of six in JULY or AUGUST. Seriously?! I'm not sure if I'll have any hair left by the time notifications start rolling in.

Desperately wanting to know our assignment fate,

Amanda

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Dear Strep Throat,

Please leave my family alone or get us all out of the way at once. Preferably the former.

Weary of quarantining children,

Sam & Jake's mom

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Dear Jason,

Having you home for the last week was so extraordinarily lovely, even if we were all feeling a little under the weather. I wish that you did not have to go back to work. We are going to miss you terribly next week. I love you.

Your very biggest fan,

Mandi