Well here it is, the first of December. The deadline for NaNoWriMo has come and gone...and, as you may have noticed from the word count in the sidebar, I did not successfully complete the challenge this year. I guess I could hang my head in shame but I'm not ashamed. Even though I did not "win" the challenge, I don't feel that I lost it either. I am leaving this challenge having learned a lot.
First and foremost I learned that I do have time to write. This is definitely the single most important thing I take away from this challenge. Maybe not 50,000 words a month, but 26,000 isn't anything to sneeze at! In fact, 26,000 words a month equals over 700 pages a year if you do the math...and that is a book (or two or three depending). So there are really no excuses for any of us writer-types to put writing off "until". I have four kids and am enrolled in school full-time; if I can find time to write, anyone can.
That being said, here is my hotwash for NaNoWriMo 2009.
Lesson #1: Next year I will "ring in" the beginning of NaNoWriMo right at midnight. This year I wrote my first installment the evening of the 1st but did not validate until after midnight on the 2nd. I spent the first week feeling like I needed to "catch up", even though I wasn't really behind. Yet.
Lesson #2: I really do need to have an outline. Had I started a real novel from scratch (as in, one that was not strongly based on my own experiences) I don't think I would have gotten as far as I did. Next year I will brainstorm and have a rough story outline done in advance. It will help that I'll know about the challenge more than two weeks prior to the event!
Lesson #3: I will put all other writing projects on hold during NaNoWriMo 2010. Or maybe I won't. We'll be in a very different place next year so we'll have to see how it works. I can tell you that Zander will be attending pre-school next year and that will make a huge difference. That boy is two full jobs all on his own. School did make finding time to write at NaNo level a little difficult. So we'll just have to see.
Lesson #4: Writers need other writers. All the times in my life that I have written prolifically I have been surrounded by other people who consider themselves writers. It is so helpful to have other people to talk about the writing process with! I think writers are a curious set. We tend to spend a bit of time in our heads with these little people we're creating...if you don't do it you probably can't understand it. It's not something that you can talk to just anyone about without risking someone thinking you need to be committed! NaNo reminded me how important it is to be able to touch base with people who get it.
Lesson #5: Slow and steady really does win the race. If I had maintained the writing averages from my first week I would have been okay. I let myself get too far behind and that put me at a distinct disadvantage. I think my writing area will be full of little notes to myself to remind me of this lesson next year.
Everyone's writing style is different, of course. What works for me may be someone else's nightmare scenario; it's all about seeing what you need for yourself.
Congratulations to those who "won"! Great job!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
a calm crazy thanksgiving
Due to Jason's work schedule, we celebrated Thanksgiving today. We had some friends over (of whom we got zero good pictures so you will have to take my word for it) and had some really good food. It was a lot of fun. Jason made a great turkey, as usual. I didn't get a picture of it on the table but here it is, fresh out of the oven. YUM!
And here is a picture of our littlest turkey eating his Thanksgiving meal. I am loving the eyebrow.
Wonder of wonders, I actually managed to successfully make a pecan pie this year. I have attempted this feat every year since we've been here (Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) and out of SEVEN years this is the very first that wasn't either soup or burnt to a crisp. I blame the German ovens (and, ahem, my lack of understanding of the settings) for this as I have successfully made pecan pies in the states. Regardless, I was happy.
It was a great day. Kids galore (to include a little bitty baby), way too much yummy food, card games, Christmas movies, friends...it was a day spent surrounded by many of the people and things that we are thankful for. I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well -- whatever day you might have celebrated!
And here is a picture of our littlest turkey eating his Thanksgiving meal. I am loving the eyebrow. 
Wonder of wonders, I actually managed to successfully make a pecan pie this year. I have attempted this feat every year since we've been here (Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) and out of SEVEN years this is the very first that wasn't either soup or burnt to a crisp. I blame the German ovens (and, ahem, my lack of understanding of the settings) for this as I have successfully made pecan pies in the states. Regardless, I was happy.
It was a great day. Kids galore (to include a little bitty baby), way too much yummy food, card games, Christmas movies, friends...it was a day spent surrounded by many of the people and things that we are thankful for. I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well -- whatever day you might have celebrated!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
yes, a little "help" may be in order
Yesterday marked the beginning of the third week of my online college courses. The first week went well. I didn't get my books right away, but there was minimal reading to do anyway. Most everything I needed was posted in our online "classroom" which streamlined the whole thing quite nicely. I thought, "Wow! This isn't so bad. Maybe this will be a little easier than I thought."
And then came week two.
Week two was rough; I'm not going to lie. There was a LOT of reading. Online and in the books. There were a bunch of exercises due. There was a grammar quiz and a biology project...it sucked. I was staying up entirely too late every night to keep things moving along. On top of that, none of the work from the previous week had been graded yet. So while I thought I did okay the first week, I couldn't be 100% sure.
And then oh boy. Then the grammar teacher started posting warning notices to the class at large. Notices that a third of the class had not turned in their assignment yet. Notices that some of those who had had used the wrong format when saving their files. Notices that there were several of us who were starting the term at a loss because of stupid errors. (Okay, she didn't say "stupid". That is me editorializing for dramatic effect.) Notices that let us all know that any assignment that was late due to being in the wrong format would still be getting an "F" even if it had been "turned in" on time. I started to get a little concerned. Why? Well, because that is what I do.
So one early morning (except it was really late at night because I had not been to bed yet) I tried, once again, to check my grade on my grammar assignment. It still wasn't there. So I figured that I would double-check the attachment. You know, just to make sure that I had saved it correctly when I submitted it the day before it was due. Nine days earlier. I login to the classroom, click on portfolio, click on the assignment in question...
Oh.my.
WRONG FORMAT WRONG FORMAT WRONG FORMAT! ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those were pretty much my exact words. You know, minus the intense cussing and sobs that occurred in real life.
I e-mailed the teacher. No cussing, but definitely hysterical. I saved the cussing for the e-mail that I sent to Jason. (He happened to be working a night shift that night and was not home to witness the hysteria that ensued.) It was, without a doubt, the absolute cussingest e-mail I have ever written. So much so that I just invented "cussingest" as a way to describe it because people? There were no words to describe the foulness of that e-mail. It was that bad.
And then I waited. My teacher is in a different time zone and it was the weekend. So I had to sit around and try to figure out whether to take myself out of the class in an attempt to preserve my GPA or if I would be able to do well enough the rest of the class to make up for this colossal error. It was a rough 36 hours. And here's part of the e-mail she sent me:
To top it off, I got an "A" on the assignment in question. And the professor asked me if she could post it as an example of an "A" paper for the rest of the class. I told her yes, of course. If for no other reason than I'm happy she didn't ask to post my e-mail as a fine example of neurosis!
And then came week two.
Week two was rough; I'm not going to lie. There was a LOT of reading. Online and in the books. There were a bunch of exercises due. There was a grammar quiz and a biology project...it sucked. I was staying up entirely too late every night to keep things moving along. On top of that, none of the work from the previous week had been graded yet. So while I thought I did okay the first week, I couldn't be 100% sure.
And then oh boy. Then the grammar teacher started posting warning notices to the class at large. Notices that a third of the class had not turned in their assignment yet. Notices that some of those who had had used the wrong format when saving their files. Notices that there were several of us who were starting the term at a loss because of stupid errors. (Okay, she didn't say "stupid". That is me editorializing for dramatic effect.) Notices that let us all know that any assignment that was late due to being in the wrong format would still be getting an "F" even if it had been "turned in" on time. I started to get a little concerned. Why? Well, because that is what I do.
So one early morning (except it was really late at night because I had not been to bed yet) I tried, once again, to check my grade on my grammar assignment. It still wasn't there. So I figured that I would double-check the attachment. You know, just to make sure that I had saved it correctly when I submitted it the day before it was due. Nine days earlier. I login to the classroom, click on portfolio, click on the assignment in question...
Oh.my.
WRONG FORMAT WRONG FORMAT WRONG FORMAT! ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those were pretty much my exact words. You know, minus the intense cussing and sobs that occurred in real life.
I e-mailed the teacher. No cussing, but definitely hysterical. I saved the cussing for the e-mail that I sent to Jason. (He happened to be working a night shift that night and was not home to witness the hysteria that ensued.) It was, without a doubt, the absolute cussingest e-mail I have ever written. So much so that I just invented "cussingest" as a way to describe it because people? There were no words to describe the foulness of that e-mail. It was that bad.
And then I waited. My teacher is in a different time zone and it was the weekend. So I had to sit around and try to figure out whether to take myself out of the class in an attempt to preserve my GPA or if I would be able to do well enough the rest of the class to make up for this colossal error. It was a rough 36 hours. And here's part of the e-mail she sent me:
I am not sure what to say to you, though, about your assignments, as everything you've turned in has been turned in both on time AND in the proper format. This should help you feel better? No worries there.I've highlighted the important part but I'm pretty sure that the last sentence there is her way of asking me if I need some kind of drug therapy. You know, or a referral to a really great shrink. Shock treatments? Something. I have no idea now what made me think that I had screwed up the format. I think the "3 am" thing may have had something to do with it. The fact that it was the third 3 am I had seen in a row probably didn't help. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
So far, I think you are doing just fine in our class. You do good work, and you submit it when it is due. Are there any other concerns that I can help you with or work together with you on?
To top it off, I got an "A" on the assignment in question. And the professor asked me if she could post it as an example of an "A" paper for the rest of the class. I told her yes, of course. If for no other reason than I'm happy she didn't ask to post my e-mail as a fine example of neurosis!
the one month 101 update
It's been a little over a month since I started the 101/1001 challenge. I thought I was about due for an update. So here goes! I have completed exactly squat! That's right, nothing.
If I were to give any advice to someone who was thinking about starting this challenge I would suggest getting a good mix of short and long term goals. I did not do a very good job of that. So while it seems that I have completely stopped working on this project, I haven't. I just haven't gotten to a finishing point on anything. Here is a list of the items I am currently working on:
013. Ready all bedrooms for the big move. (0/4)
014. Ready living/dining room for the big move.
015. Ready kitchen for the big move.
016. Ready basement for the big move.
All of the above items will likely not be complete until April at the very earliest even though I do a little bit nearly every day. I've made a list of all the 220v appliances that need to be sold (plus bought new when we get back to the states!) but that's as far as I can go with that. We have already determined much of what will not be going back to the states with us when we leave here. It's just a long process! If you've moved overseas you understand. If you haven't then count your blessings. (Ha ha...just kidding.)
019. Buy, fill out, address, stamp, and SEND OUT Christmas cards.
Okay, this one is bad. I have been absolutely horrible about Christmas cards ever since we got to Germany. I think I've gotten them mailed out on time twice but it could have been just once. I have them. I just haven't gotten any further than that. Must.complete.soon.
031. Koln (Cologne) Christmas Market
This one will get done in the next couple of weeks. We just need a break in Jason's work schedule. It will get its own post when we do make it. (Note that positive attitude...it's got to count for something!)
049. Help Jason, Sam, & Jake make their own 101/1001 lists. (1/3)
Sam is the only one who has completed his list. Jake has repeatedly asked me for help with his and I keep putting him off. Jason was supposed to work on his while he was in San Antonio. I know he thought about it because he asked me a couple of questions; I just don't know what the current status is.
059. Finish last 3 classes to complete AA. (0/3)
You know I am knee deep in two of these classes right now. So far so good. I just need to keep pushing through for another few weeks. The last class I will need is a math class. I'm not sure how I'm going to get that in just yet but I'll get it figured out.
061. Leave the house at least 3 times a week for 4 weeks. (Yard/walks with kids don’t count.) (9/12)
Almost done with this one. If you don't know me in real life this one is probably a little on the odd side. I'll explain when I get it done. Just one more week to go!
087. Update calmcrazy blog at least 3 times a week for 12 weeks. (0/36)
Groan! I had to restart this one. I was doing great until Jason came home and then I just lost it. So now I have to start all over again.
099. Enter and “win” NaNoWriMo.
You know, I don't know if I'm going to "win" this year. I'm not even sure it should count if I do make my word count. I'm working on it, though. Either way it's a win for me. I have learned so much from NaNo and I am so very glad I started it. I fully intend to enter again next year--with a for "real" novel!
So that is my update. I haven't forgotten or fallen off the wagon or whatever. I'm chugging along, trying to get things done. Anyone else working on this thing? How are you doing?
If I were to give any advice to someone who was thinking about starting this challenge I would suggest getting a good mix of short and long term goals. I did not do a very good job of that. So while it seems that I have completely stopped working on this project, I haven't. I just haven't gotten to a finishing point on anything. Here is a list of the items I am currently working on:
013. Ready all bedrooms for the big move. (0/4)
014. Ready living/dining room for the big move.
015. Ready kitchen for the big move.
016. Ready basement for the big move.
All of the above items will likely not be complete until April at the very earliest even though I do a little bit nearly every day. I've made a list of all the 220v appliances that need to be sold (plus bought new when we get back to the states!) but that's as far as I can go with that. We have already determined much of what will not be going back to the states with us when we leave here. It's just a long process! If you've moved overseas you understand. If you haven't then count your blessings. (Ha ha...just kidding.)
019. Buy, fill out, address, stamp, and SEND OUT Christmas cards.
Okay, this one is bad. I have been absolutely horrible about Christmas cards ever since we got to Germany. I think I've gotten them mailed out on time twice but it could have been just once. I have them. I just haven't gotten any further than that. Must.complete.soon.
031. Koln (Cologne) Christmas Market
This one will get done in the next couple of weeks. We just need a break in Jason's work schedule. It will get its own post when we do make it. (Note that positive attitude...it's got to count for something!)
049. Help Jason, Sam, & Jake make their own 101/1001 lists. (1/3)
Sam is the only one who has completed his list. Jake has repeatedly asked me for help with his and I keep putting him off. Jason was supposed to work on his while he was in San Antonio. I know he thought about it because he asked me a couple of questions; I just don't know what the current status is.
059. Finish last 3 classes to complete AA. (0/3)
You know I am knee deep in two of these classes right now. So far so good. I just need to keep pushing through for another few weeks. The last class I will need is a math class. I'm not sure how I'm going to get that in just yet but I'll get it figured out.
061. Leave the house at least 3 times a week for 4 weeks. (Yard/walks with kids don’t count.) (9/12)
Almost done with this one. If you don't know me in real life this one is probably a little on the odd side. I'll explain when I get it done. Just one more week to go!
087. Update calmcrazy blog at least 3 times a week for 12 weeks. (0/36)
Groan! I had to restart this one. I was doing great until Jason came home and then I just lost it. So now I have to start all over again.
099. Enter and “win” NaNoWriMo.
You know, I don't know if I'm going to "win" this year. I'm not even sure it should count if I do make my word count. I'm working on it, though. Either way it's a win for me. I have learned so much from NaNo and I am so very glad I started it. I fully intend to enter again next year--with a for "real" novel!
So that is my update. I haven't forgotten or fallen off the wagon or whatever. I'm chugging along, trying to get things done. Anyone else working on this thing? How are you doing?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
making waves
Every once in awhile I decide that I haven't nearly enough cleaning to do and put together a project for the kids. This week I decided that we would turn some 20 oz. soda bottles into wavemakers. This is the first time we have done this particular project. While it turned out well enough, we did learn a few lessons.
Recommended Supplies
Directions: Rinse the bottles thoroughly and peel off the labels. Using the funnels for younger children, pour various kinds of craft supplies into the bottle.
Optional step: remember that you should have brought the hand vacuum up from the basement.
Using the funnels and other various measuring devices, pour water into the bottles. I suppose you could just fill it up at the sink but that takes some of the fun out of it for the kids. I used this as a motor skills developer for Zander and an impromptu fractions lesson for Sam and Jake. It wasn't too messy. Well, okay. Nothing that a couple of towels couldn't handle!
After filling the bottles up with the desired amount of water, use the funnel to pour in the oil. Now, the ratio of water to oil is totally up to you. We did about three parts water to one part oil (the picture is a poor example of that) but I was running a little low on the vegetable oil.
Just as a side note, I poured the oil. I'm all for letting the kids make messes but that just seemed like asking for it. The next time we make this I am going to try half water, half baby oil. I think it will make for a more interesting consistency. Plus...doesn't that look a little gross? Sam thinks it looks like snot. I think he may have a point.
After you get your oil and water mix into the bottles, add some food coloring. We put six drops into each bottle and that seemed like a great amount for the 20 oz bottles. Sam and Jake learned a valuable lesson: green bottles are not the way to go if you want to see your color well. Also, listen to mom when she tries to guide your decisions. Okay, we'll probably have to continue to work on that last one. I'm pretty sure the first one stuck though.
Final Step: Coat the cap with glue and screw on as tightly as possible. Attempt to keep the children from playing with projects until the caps are thoroughly dry.
Zander really enjoyed this project. I was concerned that it might be a little too "old" for him but he did really well. He loved watching the red and yellow food dye make orange. The whole event was a big hit with the three-year-old.
Jake also seemed to enjoy this project. He liked picking out the items to put into the bottle, watching the oil "dance" with the water, and seeing Zander's project change color. Like I said, we used this to help talk about fractions (you need three 1/3 cups to get 1 cup, etc...). This project got a definite thumb's up from the eight-year-old.
We actually put these projects together in several different orders. (We made four in total.) We put the water in first in most, but the oil in first in others. We mixed the food coloring in at different steps each time. Sam was able to see how the order affected the project in the short term and the long term. The younger kids didn't care about that part but Sam seemed to enjoy it. I'm not sure if all 12-year-old children would enjoy this project, but ours did.
Final result: All in all this seemed like a popular activity. It's hard for us to find a one-size-fits-all project for kids who have such varying ages. I think that may be the best thing about this project! I think we'll probably repeat this activity again.
Now...what am I forgetting? Oh yeah!
After project is complete, thoroughly clean the destroyed kitchen area. Note for future attempts: perhaps we should come up with an age-friendly activity for the one-year-old as well!
Recommended Suppliesbeverage bottles (any size will do)
water
an oil (we used vegetable oil; I would recommend baby oil)
glitter, sequins, googly eyes, and other water-resistant craft items
food coloring
some sort of glue (rubber cement worked well)
funnels and various measuring devices
water
an oil (we used vegetable oil; I would recommend baby oil)
glitter, sequins, googly eyes, and other water-resistant craft items
food coloring
some sort of glue (rubber cement worked well)
funnels and various measuring devices
Directions: Rinse the bottles thoroughly and peel off the labels. Using the funnels for younger children, pour various kinds of craft supplies into the bottle.
Optional step: remember that you should have brought the hand vacuum up from the basement.
Using the funnels and other various measuring devices, pour water into the bottles. I suppose you could just fill it up at the sink but that takes some of the fun out of it for the kids. I used this as a motor skills developer for Zander and an impromptu fractions lesson for Sam and Jake. It wasn't too messy. Well, okay. Nothing that a couple of towels couldn't handle!
After filling the bottles up with the desired amount of water, use the funnel to pour in the oil. Now, the ratio of water to oil is totally up to you. We did about three parts water to one part oil (the picture is a poor example of that) but I was running a little low on the vegetable oil.
Just as a side note, I poured the oil. I'm all for letting the kids make messes but that just seemed like asking for it. The next time we make this I am going to try half water, half baby oil. I think it will make for a more interesting consistency. Plus...doesn't that look a little gross? Sam thinks it looks like snot. I think he may have a point.
After you get your oil and water mix into the bottles, add some food coloring. We put six drops into each bottle and that seemed like a great amount for the 20 oz bottles. Sam and Jake learned a valuable lesson: green bottles are not the way to go if you want to see your color well. Also, listen to mom when she tries to guide your decisions. Okay, we'll probably have to continue to work on that last one. I'm pretty sure the first one stuck though.
Final Step: Coat the cap with glue and screw on as tightly as possible. Attempt to keep the children from playing with projects until the caps are thoroughly dry.
Zander really enjoyed this project. I was concerned that it might be a little too "old" for him but he did really well. He loved watching the red and yellow food dye make orange. The whole event was a big hit with the three-year-old.
Jake also seemed to enjoy this project. He liked picking out the items to put into the bottle, watching the oil "dance" with the water, and seeing Zander's project change color. Like I said, we used this to help talk about fractions (you need three 1/3 cups to get 1 cup, etc...). This project got a definite thumb's up from the eight-year-old.
We actually put these projects together in several different orders. (We made four in total.) We put the water in first in most, but the oil in first in others. We mixed the food coloring in at different steps each time. Sam was able to see how the order affected the project in the short term and the long term. The younger kids didn't care about that part but Sam seemed to enjoy it. I'm not sure if all 12-year-old children would enjoy this project, but ours did.Final result: All in all this seemed like a popular activity. It's hard for us to find a one-size-fits-all project for kids who have such varying ages. I think that may be the best thing about this project! I think we'll probably repeat this activity again.
Now...what am I forgetting? Oh yeah!
After project is complete, thoroughly clean the destroyed kitchen area. Note for future attempts: perhaps we should come up with an age-friendly activity for the one-year-old as well!
the little things
We are frequently asked what we miss most about being away from the states. Some of the big answers are a given, I think. All things related to the extended family come first, of course. Having a 6+ hour time difference between us and everyone else in the world we love rather bites. Phone calls are a pain, to be certain. We also miss being able to drive to wherever everybody is. That darn Atlantic Ocean makes the transportation of six people a little difficult.
But aside from that our answers would probably surprise you. We miss light switches and doorknobs. We miss ice in our drinks when we go out to eat. We miss being able to go to the hardware store in our ratty painting clothes without causing a near international incident. We miss fishing without a license. We miss big parking spaces, stores that are open 24 hours, Arby's curly fries, and Wendy's. The little things.
When Jason left to go to San Antonio he asked me what I wanted him to bring back. Christmas is coming up and our anniversary was this week. I could have probably asked for just about anything but I could only think of one thing.
Have I mentioned lately how awesome my husband is? I love him. And it really is the little things. You know?
But aside from that our answers would probably surprise you. We miss light switches and doorknobs. We miss ice in our drinks when we go out to eat. We miss being able to go to the hardware store in our ratty painting clothes without causing a near international incident. We miss fishing without a license. We miss big parking spaces, stores that are open 24 hours, Arby's curly fries, and Wendy's. The little things.
When Jason left to go to San Antonio he asked me what I wanted him to bring back. Christmas is coming up and our anniversary was this week. I could have probably asked for just about anything but I could only think of one thing.
Have I mentioned lately how awesome my husband is? I love him. And it really is the little things. You know?
Friday, November 20, 2009
situation back to normal
It has been such a long time since this family has dealt with TDYs and deployments that I had rather forgotten some of the details. Of course I knew that I would miss Jason while he was away. (Although a case could be made that I had forgotten just how much.) I also fully expected a refresher in the "TDY rule" which states that something terrifically horrible would happen the moment he got in the taxi to leave for the airport. (Surprisingly enough, that really didn't happen this time. I was expecting hospitalized sicknesses or a house fire.) And of course I knew the kids would go through a ticked-at-mom stage after he left. (Because I obviously want to send Jason away so I can operate in a 4 on 1 kid to parent ratio. Right!) Those are easy to remember. No-brainers, if you will.
A few things that had escaped my memory to one degree or another:
Some of it was probably that there was just so much going on. (Still is.) I started school, Sam had a band concert, I idiotically signed up for NaNoWriMo, we had the appointment for Izzy to prep for (which is code for: lots of cleaning); all on top of our normal, everyday schedule. We did all these things and more and in the end we were just living our lives, same as always.
There was even a little part that was easier. I hesitate to put that in here because he's going to read this and I don't want to hurt his feelings. (Hi, baby!) The simple truth is that his job here...well, it sucks. It does not allow for family time at all. His schedule is crap. He works long hours at unpredictable times and his hours change constantly. I'm not complaining here; I'm just stating a simple fact. We deal for the most part but it is difficult. I would be lying if I tried to say that it has not been a challenge to get back into working around Jason's work schedule.
Again though, it's the little things that really get you. I'm used to knowing exactly where the van keys are, exactly how much milk is in the fridge, the exact status of the laundry...things that I just knew because I was the only one here. Now that Jason is back (an occurrence for which I am so happy that there are no words to express my feelings!) I am constantly trying to figure out where something went or realizing that we are out of something or, well, I think you get the general idea.
But just in case...here's a question for you. Who was the last one to use the syrup? There's a good question. Did it get put away? Hmmm...my guesses are "Zander" and "no". What do you think?
To answer the two most obvious questions: no, the netbook wasn't there at the time and the syrup bottle was half-full before Z-man got a hold of it. Empty when he was done, of course! At least I have my partner in crime to help me clean up afterward. I love you, baby! We missed you so much!
(Just a little note: in no way am I comparing this little return to the actual phenomenon of redeployment. While I am sure that there are similarities in a very general sense, there is a degree of scale that makes them two separate issues altogether. I am very much aware of that!)
A few things that had escaped my memory to one degree or another:
- Life without Jason just isn't as fun. The workload instantly doubles, leaving less time and energy for the fun things in life. Even things that are normally enjoyable become mere labor to just get done. Life rapidly becomes the equivalent of wash, rinse, repeat.
- Seeing the truck in the driveway every time I look out the window gives me that initial "he's home!" jolt -- even though I know he's not here. It's like he leaves 20 times a day instead of just that once. Also, I never realized how often I look out the window over the course of the day.
- I suddenly realized little things that I love about having him around. One example (and this might be a little weird) is the fact that I like how I can smell his soap when I first start the shower in the morning. I guess it's from remnants in the drain or something. I would never have realized that I enjoy that if I hadn't had to miss it. Heck, I never even consciously noticed it until he was gone.
Some of it was probably that there was just so much going on. (Still is.) I started school, Sam had a band concert, I idiotically signed up for NaNoWriMo, we had the appointment for Izzy to prep for (which is code for: lots of cleaning); all on top of our normal, everyday schedule. We did all these things and more and in the end we were just living our lives, same as always.
There was even a little part that was easier. I hesitate to put that in here because he's going to read this and I don't want to hurt his feelings. (Hi, baby!) The simple truth is that his job here...well, it sucks. It does not allow for family time at all. His schedule is crap. He works long hours at unpredictable times and his hours change constantly. I'm not complaining here; I'm just stating a simple fact. We deal for the most part but it is difficult. I would be lying if I tried to say that it has not been a challenge to get back into working around Jason's work schedule.
Again though, it's the little things that really get you. I'm used to knowing exactly where the van keys are, exactly how much milk is in the fridge, the exact status of the laundry...things that I just knew because I was the only one here. Now that Jason is back (an occurrence for which I am so happy that there are no words to express my feelings!) I am constantly trying to figure out where something went or realizing that we are out of something or, well, I think you get the general idea.
But just in case...here's a question for you. Who was the last one to use the syrup? There's a good question. Did it get put away? Hmmm...my guesses are "Zander" and "no". What do you think?
To answer the two most obvious questions: no, the netbook wasn't there at the time and the syrup bottle was half-full before Z-man got a hold of it. Empty when he was done, of course! At least I have my partner in crime to help me clean up afterward. I love you, baby! We missed you so much!
(Just a little note: in no way am I comparing this little return to the actual phenomenon of redeployment. While I am sure that there are similarities in a very general sense, there is a degree of scale that makes them two separate issues altogether. I am very much aware of that!)
Friday, November 13, 2009
we call him mr. bobbles
A couple weeks ago we took Izzy to the pediatrician for his one year check up. Other than the fact that we confirmed for sure that he's a bobble-head (50% for weight, 63% for height, and 99% for head size--suddenly I'm not so upset about all the c-sections) things went pretty well. There were a few concerns brought up however, and we decided that we'd bring in EDIS (Educational and developmental Intervention Services) to take a gander at the kid. We (and by "we", I mean "I" because Jason thought I was being a Nervous Nelly) were a little concerned about Izzy's gross motor development and the doctor was a little concerned about the fact that Izzy doesn't talk yet.
(Can you imagine how short the above sentence would be without all the parenthesis?)
Anyway. The appointment was today and the specialist who came to see us was awesome. I really like that they come to your home, where the kid in question is the most comfortable. The specialist, "V", was really sweet and professional. She brought in a bunch of papers for me and toys for Izzy (who got the better end of that deal, I ask you) and we sat on the floor and played with him.
He did well. V said that he has great social and play skills and is a very happy baby. (Yay for Izzy!) She also said that he scores well in all the different areas and does not appear to actually be behind anywhere as of right now. So he's not going to be put on a monitored status or anything like that. Which is good.
V is going to come back next week, however. She said that while he's not behind, she would like to see him communicating more. She agrees that this is likely because there are so many of us in the house and we all anticipate his needs...he really doesn't have to ask for anything ever. V also thinks that he is too busy just playing and exploring to be bothered with any of that pesky "talking" business. I think there is probably some truth to that. So she'll be bringing us some materials to help us help him talk.
Also, she thinks that he is exhibiting signs of poor muscle development/tone. (And this is where I try not to thumb my nose at Jason and say, "I told you so!" Oops. Fail.) We have noticed for a long time that he does not sit like the other kids did. He sits like I did when I was a kid...and that is not the best way to sit, apparently. She dubbed it the "W-sit" and said that it is an indicator of poor muscle tone. I asked if the poor muscle tone would explain why he's always hit his milestones just a little, tiny bit late and she said that it's possible. So we're supposed to encourage him to sit differently now. So she'll also be bringing by some exercises for us to work with him on his muscle tone as well.
I'm really glad we went ahead and scheduled this appointment. I feel better knowing that he's okay. I feel even better knowing that V will be back next week with some "how-to" instructions. (Yes, even a mother of four sometimes needs some help!) It was also nice to hear someone tell me that they approve of all the random "toys" we have accumulated in the living room...it's nice to know that there are still people out there who agree that boxes, paper towel rolls, and tupperware are still awesome toys!
(Can you imagine how short the above sentence would be without all the parenthesis?)
Anyway. The appointment was today and the specialist who came to see us was awesome. I really like that they come to your home, where the kid in question is the most comfortable. The specialist, "V", was really sweet and professional. She brought in a bunch of papers for me and toys for Izzy (who got the better end of that deal, I ask you) and we sat on the floor and played with him.
He did well. V said that he has great social and play skills and is a very happy baby. (Yay for Izzy!) She also said that he scores well in all the different areas and does not appear to actually be behind anywhere as of right now. So he's not going to be put on a monitored status or anything like that. Which is good.
V is going to come back next week, however. She said that while he's not behind, she would like to see him communicating more. She agrees that this is likely because there are so many of us in the house and we all anticipate his needs...he really doesn't have to ask for anything ever. V also thinks that he is too busy just playing and exploring to be bothered with any of that pesky "talking" business. I think there is probably some truth to that. So she'll be bringing us some materials to help us help him talk.
Also, she thinks that he is exhibiting signs of poor muscle development/tone. (And this is where I try not to thumb my nose at Jason and say, "I told you so!" Oops. Fail.) We have noticed for a long time that he does not sit like the other kids did. He sits like I did when I was a kid...and that is not the best way to sit, apparently. She dubbed it the "W-sit" and said that it is an indicator of poor muscle tone. I asked if the poor muscle tone would explain why he's always hit his milestones just a little, tiny bit late and she said that it's possible. So we're supposed to encourage him to sit differently now. So she'll also be bringing by some exercises for us to work with him on his muscle tone as well.
I'm really glad we went ahead and scheduled this appointment. I feel better knowing that he's okay. I feel even better knowing that V will be back next week with some "how-to" instructions. (Yes, even a mother of four sometimes needs some help!) It was also nice to hear someone tell me that they approve of all the random "toys" we have accumulated in the living room...it's nice to know that there are still people out there who agree that boxes, paper towel rolls, and tupperware are still awesome toys!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
bear with me...it's been a rough week
Danny, there are several types of bodily fluids mentioned in this post (all parenting related). You've been warned. Love you, man! ~A
Well this has been a rough week. I'm just starting to get my feet under me again and figured that I would post a quick note just to let everyone know what is going on around these parts.
I started school Monday night. I'm taking two online classes which will put me within one class of finishing up my AA. I was a little overwhelmed...well, okay. I still am to a certain extent. Even though both classes are through the same university the online program they use is a complete different format for each. I much prefer one to the other...it's going to be an interesting couple of months. I think I will have a better feel for how I'm doing when I get my stinking books! Hopefully that will happen soon.
NaNo has been put on the back burner for the past couple of days but I'm digging back in tonight. I have already written about 600 words tonight. I need to pump out an additional 1500 more to really be back on track. I doubt I will make the full amount tonight but am hopeful that I can get about halfway there tonight and then get caught up tomorrow. A fellow NaNo'er (hi Sarah!) has suggested using this program to do smaller sessions several times a day instead of the marathon approach I have been using. It sounds like a great idea and I'm going to try that as soon as I get caught up!
On Monday Izzy up and decided that he was done nursing. Yes. Just.like.that. We went from 2-3 times a day to nothing. I have to admit, I feel a little rejected. It fits in with his personality though. He's all the time fine with something until he isn't. He's probably the most determined kid we have (not to be confused with Zander's stubbornness, which I will get to shortly). The kid just knows what he wants...and, apparently, what he doesn't. So I guess I'm done nursing now. Hmph.
Zander...oh, man. Where do I start? We have two issues really. One being that I cannot stop the kid from cussing. Yeah, Sam and Jake both said a few cuss words as toddlers but they were easy to fix. You just told them no a couple times and viola! Problem solved. Not so much with this one. We've tried everything we can think of (to include not cussing in front of him anymore) and he just keeps getting worse. Argh! This kid is going to be the death of me yet.
Our second issue is that he refuses to be potty-trained. Just flat out won't do it. We can get him to pee in the potty if we stay on top of him. But he will not, just flat out refuses, to poop in the potty. Not the big potty or the little potty. I have tried all the tricks in the book and am just at a loss. I even tried to just dial back the pressure and not mess with him...now he's back to peeing in his pull-ups. The only step I have left, I think, is to take him into the pediatrician to see if they can tell me something. I honestly think the biggest problem is that he sees Izzy in his diapers...he's been telling Izzy for a couple of weeks now, "No, Izzy! You don't poop in your diaper. You poop in the potty!" He's not seriously going to make me change his diapers until Izzy potty trains, is he? (Anyone out there have any tips? I'm freaking desperate here!)
That's pretty much "it". It's a lot though. Jake is off school for the rest of this week, Sam is out for the week after tomorrow. They just finished their first quarter, which went well enough. Jason gets home Sunday. Next week we'll have to sink into some sort of routine. Hopefully by this time next week I'll be fully functioning again!
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I hope everyone had a wonderful Veteran's Day. Thank you to all my fellow veterans out there. I think of you and all our wonderful active duty troops every single day. I'm thankful for you all every single day. This is just the day to let you know it!
Well this has been a rough week. I'm just starting to get my feet under me again and figured that I would post a quick note just to let everyone know what is going on around these parts.
I started school Monday night. I'm taking two online classes which will put me within one class of finishing up my AA. I was a little overwhelmed...well, okay. I still am to a certain extent. Even though both classes are through the same university the online program they use is a complete different format for each. I much prefer one to the other...it's going to be an interesting couple of months. I think I will have a better feel for how I'm doing when I get my stinking books! Hopefully that will happen soon.
NaNo has been put on the back burner for the past couple of days but I'm digging back in tonight. I have already written about 600 words tonight. I need to pump out an additional 1500 more to really be back on track. I doubt I will make the full amount tonight but am hopeful that I can get about halfway there tonight and then get caught up tomorrow. A fellow NaNo'er (hi Sarah!) has suggested using this program to do smaller sessions several times a day instead of the marathon approach I have been using. It sounds like a great idea and I'm going to try that as soon as I get caught up!
On Monday Izzy up and decided that he was done nursing. Yes. Just.like.that. We went from 2-3 times a day to nothing. I have to admit, I feel a little rejected. It fits in with his personality though. He's all the time fine with something until he isn't. He's probably the most determined kid we have (not to be confused with Zander's stubbornness, which I will get to shortly). The kid just knows what he wants...and, apparently, what he doesn't. So I guess I'm done nursing now. Hmph.
Zander...oh, man. Where do I start? We have two issues really. One being that I cannot stop the kid from cussing. Yeah, Sam and Jake both said a few cuss words as toddlers but they were easy to fix. You just told them no a couple times and viola! Problem solved. Not so much with this one. We've tried everything we can think of (to include not cussing in front of him anymore) and he just keeps getting worse. Argh! This kid is going to be the death of me yet.
Our second issue is that he refuses to be potty-trained. Just flat out won't do it. We can get him to pee in the potty if we stay on top of him. But he will not, just flat out refuses, to poop in the potty. Not the big potty or the little potty. I have tried all the tricks in the book and am just at a loss. I even tried to just dial back the pressure and not mess with him...now he's back to peeing in his pull-ups. The only step I have left, I think, is to take him into the pediatrician to see if they can tell me something. I honestly think the biggest problem is that he sees Izzy in his diapers...he's been telling Izzy for a couple of weeks now, "No, Izzy! You don't poop in your diaper. You poop in the potty!" He's not seriously going to make me change his diapers until Izzy potty trains, is he? (Anyone out there have any tips? I'm freaking desperate here!)
That's pretty much "it". It's a lot though. Jake is off school for the rest of this week, Sam is out for the week after tomorrow. They just finished their first quarter, which went well enough. Jason gets home Sunday. Next week we'll have to sink into some sort of routine. Hopefully by this time next week I'll be fully functioning again!
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I hope everyone had a wonderful Veteran's Day. Thank you to all my fellow veterans out there. I think of you and all our wonderful active duty troops every single day. I'm thankful for you all every single day. This is just the day to let you know it!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
NaNoWriMo: week one round-up
It's only the end of week one of NaNoWriMo, but I feel like I've learned so much already! I started this out feeling so very overwhelmed. The idea of writing a novel in 30 days is absurd. How does one crank out a 50,000 page novel in 30 days? I couldn't even begin to imagine doing it in a year! Where do you find the time?
You know what? It's not near as difficult as I had imagined. And it doesn't sound so overwhelming when you talk about it in terms of daily goals...1,667 words a day doesn't sound like so very much. That sounds...doable. Still daunting (I do have four kids y'all!) but it very nearly sounds like an achievable goal. I'm starting to believe that I can actually do it!
The hardest part for me was coming up with what to write. In the end I guess I'm cheating a little. I knew I needed something with a simple story line, something that was linear enough for me to keep trucking through the month. I can't really afford to get hung up on a plot twist somewhere...I just don't have that much time. And you know that old adage? The one that goes, "Write what you know"? Yeah...I'm basically basing a story off my own life.
Now before you cry "Foul!" hear me out. I'm not the only one doing that. There is actually an entire section in the forums that is for people doing this very same thing. It's the rebel group. Yeah, go ahead and laugh at the idea of me being a rebel...I did too. But in this case it works. I am playing fast and loose with the details, but the story is pretty much my life from high school graduation on.
As an added bonus, it's giving me time to remember things. I've thought about (and in one case, talked to since I found her on Facebook) people who haven't run across the front of my brain in years. I'm also rediscovering parts of myself that have fallen by the wayside over the years. It's turning into an interesting exercise in introspection.
I am determined to use this project as a jump-off point to regular writing. I do have some "real" ideas for stories, but they aren't near ironed out enough for me to write in the amount of time I have for this exercise. I plan to keep writing after this month is over, working on some of those other stories. I'm hopeful that I will be focused enough next November to attempt an actual novel. This year it's all about the word count, baby.
Speaking of which, I should go get to writing. As of right now I have 10,850 words. Today's recommended goal is 11,667 so I have a bit more work ahead of me today! I hope all you other NaNo'ers out there are staying on track!
You know what? It's not near as difficult as I had imagined. And it doesn't sound so overwhelming when you talk about it in terms of daily goals...1,667 words a day doesn't sound like so very much. That sounds...doable. Still daunting (I do have four kids y'all!) but it very nearly sounds like an achievable goal. I'm starting to believe that I can actually do it!
The hardest part for me was coming up with what to write. In the end I guess I'm cheating a little. I knew I needed something with a simple story line, something that was linear enough for me to keep trucking through the month. I can't really afford to get hung up on a plot twist somewhere...I just don't have that much time. And you know that old adage? The one that goes, "Write what you know"? Yeah...I'm basically basing a story off my own life.
Now before you cry "Foul!" hear me out. I'm not the only one doing that. There is actually an entire section in the forums that is for people doing this very same thing. It's the rebel group. Yeah, go ahead and laugh at the idea of me being a rebel...I did too. But in this case it works. I am playing fast and loose with the details, but the story is pretty much my life from high school graduation on.
As an added bonus, it's giving me time to remember things. I've thought about (and in one case, talked to since I found her on Facebook) people who haven't run across the front of my brain in years. I'm also rediscovering parts of myself that have fallen by the wayside over the years. It's turning into an interesting exercise in introspection.
I am determined to use this project as a jump-off point to regular writing. I do have some "real" ideas for stories, but they aren't near ironed out enough for me to write in the amount of time I have for this exercise. I plan to keep writing after this month is over, working on some of those other stories. I'm hopeful that I will be focused enough next November to attempt an actual novel. This year it's all about the word count, baby.
Speaking of which, I should go get to writing. As of right now I have 10,850 words. Today's recommended goal is 11,667 so I have a bit more work ahead of me today! I hope all you other NaNo'ers out there are staying on track!
Friday, November 6, 2009
time to whine about the big move
This post is mostly for the family and friends who have been asking us where we're going next. And when we're getting there. It's a big old whine fest, guys. You've been warned.
For months we have been waiting for the overseas assignment list to come out. November 4th was the release date for Jason's assignment cycle...and there was nothing on it. Let me rephrase that: there was nothing good on it.
For his job and the rank he can work with there was a grand total of 10 jobs. That would be awesome -- if they weren't all to South Korea.
I've been telling friends and family for awhile that there is a part of me that hoped there wouldn't be anything on the list. We have enjoyed our time in Germany, don't get me wrong. But we've been living on foreign soil for over six years. We'll be at seven by the time we leave here. That is a long time, my friends. So while there are some very good reasons for us to stay at an overseas location there is a part of me that has been rooting for nothing we "wanted" to be on that list.
I should have been more specific in my desires because now I'm worried. Jason's career field is small to begin with. He's starting to hit the point now where there are even fewer due to rank. So when I tell you that there are 10 (!) job openings within his assignment window...well, I start to get concerned. It's rare for someone to get pulled from an overseas duty location straight into a remote but it's not unheard of. The simple fact is, although Jason has over 4 1/2 years worth of deployment time under his belt, it was all from 2003 and earlier. And he has not done a remote assignment. Considering how they rack-and-stack the list, it may not be enough that we've been overseas for seven years.
The only thing that could have made this move more complicated than it is going to be anyway is for us to have to go in two separate locations. I am so not pleased.
Jason is being far more practical about it. He keeps reassuring me that things will be fine. I know that he's right. Whatever happens we will deal with it. I know that we're going to be fine no matter what comes down the pipe. We'll deal with it because we have to. That's just what you do when you are a military family. But I think I'm allowed to freak out a little bit...as long as I get over it soon.
Some of my stress comes from the fact that as much as I was hoping that there wouldn't be anything available for him on this list, it would have been a relief if there had been. People picked up from this list will know where they are going by mid-December. The stateside list doesn't come out until April. So it's going to be five months before we even see where we have a possibility of going. The assignments from that list aren't released until a month later. So we'll be finding out in mid-May where we'll be moving in (more than likely) July. Getting everything scheduled is going to be a pain and a half.
Anyway. Wish us luck. And if you are someone who knows me in real life...well, you might want to avoid bringing this topic up for awhile!
For months we have been waiting for the overseas assignment list to come out. November 4th was the release date for Jason's assignment cycle...and there was nothing on it. Let me rephrase that: there was nothing good on it.
For his job and the rank he can work with there was a grand total of 10 jobs. That would be awesome -- if they weren't all to South Korea.
I've been telling friends and family for awhile that there is a part of me that hoped there wouldn't be anything on the list. We have enjoyed our time in Germany, don't get me wrong. But we've been living on foreign soil for over six years. We'll be at seven by the time we leave here. That is a long time, my friends. So while there are some very good reasons for us to stay at an overseas location there is a part of me that has been rooting for nothing we "wanted" to be on that list.
I should have been more specific in my desires because now I'm worried. Jason's career field is small to begin with. He's starting to hit the point now where there are even fewer due to rank. So when I tell you that there are 10 (!) job openings within his assignment window...well, I start to get concerned. It's rare for someone to get pulled from an overseas duty location straight into a remote but it's not unheard of. The simple fact is, although Jason has over 4 1/2 years worth of deployment time under his belt, it was all from 2003 and earlier. And he has not done a remote assignment. Considering how they rack-and-stack the list, it may not be enough that we've been overseas for seven years.
The only thing that could have made this move more complicated than it is going to be anyway is for us to have to go in two separate locations. I am so not pleased.
Jason is being far more practical about it. He keeps reassuring me that things will be fine. I know that he's right. Whatever happens we will deal with it. I know that we're going to be fine no matter what comes down the pipe. We'll deal with it because we have to. That's just what you do when you are a military family. But I think I'm allowed to freak out a little bit...as long as I get over it soon.
Some of my stress comes from the fact that as much as I was hoping that there wouldn't be anything available for him on this list, it would have been a relief if there had been. People picked up from this list will know where they are going by mid-December. The stateside list doesn't come out until April. So it's going to be five months before we even see where we have a possibility of going. The assignments from that list aren't released until a month later. So we'll be finding out in mid-May where we'll be moving in (more than likely) July. Getting everything scheduled is going to be a pain and a half.
Anyway. Wish us luck. And if you are someone who knows me in real life...well, you might want to avoid bringing this topic up for awhile!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
rusty is probably not a strong enough word
NaNoWriMo is going well. I'm a little over my goal as of right now so I have a little bit of cushion...but not too much. I'm afraid of going too far over or too far under; I want to finish this so badly!
I have noticed a trend, however. My "word recall" is not so hot. Tonight I sat in this chair for a good three or four minutes trying to come up with the opposite of the word "include". I knew it wasn't "disclude" because that just flat out sounds like a non-word, but I could not come up with it on my own. So I had to look it up. "Exclude"! Duh!
Here's hoping that I can knock a little more rust and dust off the writing bits over this next month or so.
I have noticed a trend, however. My "word recall" is not so hot. Tonight I sat in this chair for a good three or four minutes trying to come up with the opposite of the word "include". I knew it wasn't "disclude" because that just flat out sounds like a non-word, but I could not come up with it on my own. So I had to look it up. "Exclude"! Duh!
Here's hoping that I can knock a little more rust and dust off the writing bits over this next month or so.
when in doubt, blame the parents
Why is it that when a child misbehaves it is automatically a result of faulty parenting? When did people forget that children are not automated extensions of their parents? That they are their own little people with their own little brains? Brains that are not fully formed and can therefore make the occasional bad decision regardless of how present the parents in question might be?
Listen, nobody is debating that there are some crap parents out there. I think we can all agree that some parents don't deserve the kids they have. But as far as I know, there is no perfect parent out there anywhere and I truly believe that those "crap parents" are in the minority. Every one of us has made a mistake at some point (or will). We just all have to hope that the mistakes we make are small in the grand scheme of things. Or that we can fix a problem that arises when we make an error in judgment.
However. I don't think that it is reasonable to automatically assume that a kid has horrible parents (or that the mistake itself stems directly from "bad" parenting) if he makes one mistake. Even if it is a HUGE mistake. It also isn't reasonable to assume that the kid in question is a "bad egg" on the basis of one mistake. Obviously there are varying levels of responsibility here. For instance, a 6-year-old child who takes his new Cub Scout tool to school is not going to fall under the same umbrella as a high school student who brings a loaded gun to school. At least it shouldn't in my opinion. If you disagree then we're probably not going to be able to come to terms here.
I still think that the best way to deal with a child-related problem is directly. Is there a bully picking on your kid? Try to tell your kid some non-violent ways to deal with the problem. Explain to them that ignoring a bully will often solve the problem. If it doesn't then you go from there. If the bullying is taking place at school, involve the school. If it's taking place at a playgroup or the local playground then approach the parents. For the love of all that is good, approach the parents! Demonizing the parents of a kid who has made a mistake is not going to get you anywhere productive.
I offer this next story as an example of why direct approach in all things is best. Direct approach, first and foremost, before you start involving your family and friends and random internet strangers. You just never know what the other side of the situation is. I think it's also a cautionary tell for those who give advice without knowing both sides of a situation.
Two years ago we started having a problem with one of the kids on Sam's bus. He would trip him, punch him, yank on his backpack...generally anything he could do to harass him, he would do. After letting Sam attempt to deal with it on his own for a little bit (maybe a week), Jason approached the kid's dad.
Apparently this kid (we'll call him Hank) had a little sister (we'll call her Peggy). Peggy was 5 or 6. She developed a little bit of a crush on Sam which led her to follow him around and bug the tar out of him. In dealing with Peggy, Sam called her a name (not a "bad word" or anything...I honestly don't remember what it was but it was along the lines of "pest") and repeatedly told her to shut up. This hurt her feelings (understandably) and she told her dad.
What Jason and I would have done at this point is already detailed above. If Peggy had been our daughter we would have counseled her to ignore him. I would have told her that if a boy was talking to her like that it meant he wasn't worth her time anyway. If it had continued we would have gone to the parents or to the bus office through the school. I think we would have tried the parents first because that is what we did with Hank. In reacting this way we would be hopeful that first, the kid would quit messing with our daughter and second, that our daughter would see that just because a person makes a mistake doesn't make them a bad person. That forgiveness is possible when someone is honestly sorry about a mistake. (I am assuming, of course, that the kid would be sorry. I think most would be.)
If they had come to us we most certainly would have told Sam that he was in the wrong. He would have been made to apologize. We would have explained to him that sometimes little girls develop crushes on older boys and that it is important that he never take advantage of that and that he always treat her with kindness and respect. That yes, while she might be a little annoying that she is little and just doesn't know any better. We would have responded that way because we are responsible and caring parents who truly do want the best for our kids...even when they act like a bonehead.
What did this dad do instead of coming to Sam's parents? He told his 14-year-old son to "get back" at the kid that was bullying Peggy. (Might I remind you that Sam would have been 10 at the time.) This dad was belligerent and hateful because his little girl had her feelings hurt. He was convinced that he was in the right because his little girl was "wronged" first. Even when Jason let him know that we would discuss the situation with Sam he still was aggressive and nasty. The situation with the father escalated to the point that we had to involve the school to get the kids put on separate buses. Luckily this is an option in our village. Who knows what mess it would have caused if it wasn't. When he tried to get physical with Jason, Jason let him know that any further aggression from anyone in the family would result in the MPs being called. That was the last problem we had with them. I am relieved to be able to tell you that the family has since moved.
I could easily twist this situation to make us look like the hapless victims. If I asked you to look at it from our perspective you do see an unapproachable parent. Who would want to subject themselves to that? It's the "posterchild" case for avoiding parental confrontation at all costs. But we know far more kids who have reasonable parents. I think it's more likely that parents will behave as we know that our friends would, rather than Hank and Peggy's dad. I think he is the exception, not the rule. So here's what I want you to do. Imagine, if you will, what this scenario would look like from the other parents' perspective. I'm willing to bet that they had family and friends supporting them in their approach to this problem. I've seen the mob mentality that develops when opinions are formed in a vacuum. Our child, as the original "aggressor", is the one that gets the bad reputation...but is that really the reality of the situation? Did Sam behave in a way that was unusual for a 10-year-old boy in the same situation? Was he right to behave the way he did? No! But to demonize him (and Jason and I), as these parents did, was much worse.
Do you automatically believe that kids who cause trouble are lacking something in the parenting department? Have you been on either side of a similar situation? What did you do?
Listen, nobody is debating that there are some crap parents out there. I think we can all agree that some parents don't deserve the kids they have. But as far as I know, there is no perfect parent out there anywhere and I truly believe that those "crap parents" are in the minority. Every one of us has made a mistake at some point (or will). We just all have to hope that the mistakes we make are small in the grand scheme of things. Or that we can fix a problem that arises when we make an error in judgment.
However. I don't think that it is reasonable to automatically assume that a kid has horrible parents (or that the mistake itself stems directly from "bad" parenting) if he makes one mistake. Even if it is a HUGE mistake. It also isn't reasonable to assume that the kid in question is a "bad egg" on the basis of one mistake. Obviously there are varying levels of responsibility here. For instance, a 6-year-old child who takes his new Cub Scout tool to school is not going to fall under the same umbrella as a high school student who brings a loaded gun to school. At least it shouldn't in my opinion. If you disagree then we're probably not going to be able to come to terms here.
I still think that the best way to deal with a child-related problem is directly. Is there a bully picking on your kid? Try to tell your kid some non-violent ways to deal with the problem. Explain to them that ignoring a bully will often solve the problem. If it doesn't then you go from there. If the bullying is taking place at school, involve the school. If it's taking place at a playgroup or the local playground then approach the parents. For the love of all that is good, approach the parents! Demonizing the parents of a kid who has made a mistake is not going to get you anywhere productive.
I offer this next story as an example of why direct approach in all things is best. Direct approach, first and foremost, before you start involving your family and friends and random internet strangers. You just never know what the other side of the situation is. I think it's also a cautionary tell for those who give advice without knowing both sides of a situation.
Two years ago we started having a problem with one of the kids on Sam's bus. He would trip him, punch him, yank on his backpack...generally anything he could do to harass him, he would do. After letting Sam attempt to deal with it on his own for a little bit (maybe a week), Jason approached the kid's dad.
Apparently this kid (we'll call him Hank) had a little sister (we'll call her Peggy). Peggy was 5 or 6. She developed a little bit of a crush on Sam which led her to follow him around and bug the tar out of him. In dealing with Peggy, Sam called her a name (not a "bad word" or anything...I honestly don't remember what it was but it was along the lines of "pest") and repeatedly told her to shut up. This hurt her feelings (understandably) and she told her dad.
What Jason and I would have done at this point is already detailed above. If Peggy had been our daughter we would have counseled her to ignore him. I would have told her that if a boy was talking to her like that it meant he wasn't worth her time anyway. If it had continued we would have gone to the parents or to the bus office through the school. I think we would have tried the parents first because that is what we did with Hank. In reacting this way we would be hopeful that first, the kid would quit messing with our daughter and second, that our daughter would see that just because a person makes a mistake doesn't make them a bad person. That forgiveness is possible when someone is honestly sorry about a mistake. (I am assuming, of course, that the kid would be sorry. I think most would be.)
If they had come to us we most certainly would have told Sam that he was in the wrong. He would have been made to apologize. We would have explained to him that sometimes little girls develop crushes on older boys and that it is important that he never take advantage of that and that he always treat her with kindness and respect. That yes, while she might be a little annoying that she is little and just doesn't know any better. We would have responded that way because we are responsible and caring parents who truly do want the best for our kids...even when they act like a bonehead.
What did this dad do instead of coming to Sam's parents? He told his 14-year-old son to "get back" at the kid that was bullying Peggy. (Might I remind you that Sam would have been 10 at the time.) This dad was belligerent and hateful because his little girl had her feelings hurt. He was convinced that he was in the right because his little girl was "wronged" first. Even when Jason let him know that we would discuss the situation with Sam he still was aggressive and nasty. The situation with the father escalated to the point that we had to involve the school to get the kids put on separate buses. Luckily this is an option in our village. Who knows what mess it would have caused if it wasn't. When he tried to get physical with Jason, Jason let him know that any further aggression from anyone in the family would result in the MPs being called. That was the last problem we had with them. I am relieved to be able to tell you that the family has since moved.
I could easily twist this situation to make us look like the hapless victims. If I asked you to look at it from our perspective you do see an unapproachable parent. Who would want to subject themselves to that? It's the "posterchild" case for avoiding parental confrontation at all costs. But we know far more kids who have reasonable parents. I think it's more likely that parents will behave as we know that our friends would, rather than Hank and Peggy's dad. I think he is the exception, not the rule. So here's what I want you to do. Imagine, if you will, what this scenario would look like from the other parents' perspective. I'm willing to bet that they had family and friends supporting them in their approach to this problem. I've seen the mob mentality that develops when opinions are formed in a vacuum. Our child, as the original "aggressor", is the one that gets the bad reputation...but is that really the reality of the situation? Did Sam behave in a way that was unusual for a 10-year-old boy in the same situation? Was he right to behave the way he did? No! But to demonize him (and Jason and I), as these parents did, was much worse.
Do you automatically believe that kids who cause trouble are lacking something in the parenting department? Have you been on either side of a similar situation? What did you do?
Monday, November 2, 2009
day two...still going strong
I'm hoping that the blog doesn't turn into a daily rehashing of "this is how many words I wrote today"...but for now I feel the need to come and celebrate. I actually went over my scheduled words today! Not by a whole lot, but by a little. I'm so excited!
What I would really love to do would be to get on a serious writing jag and get a day or two ahead of schedule. At the same time, the idea makes me a little leery...I'm one who does better just barely skirting through a deadline. The pressure keeps me motivated. I'm afraid that I would slack off if I gave myself too much extra room. I'm not at that place anyway so I suppose it's a moot point right now.
In other news, Jason made it to San Antonio. During our conversation he actually said to me that he hopes we don't get Hawaii next because he can't fathom having to fly all that way with four kids. I had to laugh because (as I stated in my last post) I had that very same thought more than once yesterday. Sometimes we think so much alike that it's scary. (But then, really. Who wouldn't have thought about it?!) Of course, if it happens we will be fine. But I'm not real enthusiastic about the possibility! We should know if it's even a possibility in the next couple of days. We're just waiting for the first batch of assignment openings to drop.
Anyway. I'm sure I will pay for saying this but it's more calm than crazy around these parts right now. Things are going well!
What I would really love to do would be to get on a serious writing jag and get a day or two ahead of schedule. At the same time, the idea makes me a little leery...I'm one who does better just barely skirting through a deadline. The pressure keeps me motivated. I'm afraid that I would slack off if I gave myself too much extra room. I'm not at that place anyway so I suppose it's a moot point right now.
In other news, Jason made it to San Antonio. During our conversation he actually said to me that he hopes we don't get Hawaii next because he can't fathom having to fly all that way with four kids. I had to laugh because (as I stated in my last post) I had that very same thought more than once yesterday. Sometimes we think so much alike that it's scary. (But then, really. Who wouldn't have thought about it?!) Of course, if it happens we will be fine. But I'm not real enthusiastic about the possibility! We should know if it's even a possibility in the next couple of days. We're just waiting for the first batch of assignment openings to drop.
Anyway. I'm sure I will pay for saying this but it's more calm than crazy around these parts right now. Things are going well!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
a few random bits from the day
Please forgive the terribly disjointed nature of this post. This is going to be a rough month!
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Jason left for San Antonio this morning. Very, very early this morning. As I am typing this, he may be on the ground and navigating through the airport. It's pretty darn late in the day at this point. I'm hoping to hear from him soon. There were several moments over the course of the day when I looked at the clock, mentally figured out where he might be, and then blanched at the idea of our "Big Move". He is only going to San Antonio...California and Hawaii are both possibilities and those places are several more hours away. It's almost enough to make me hope for the East coast (or England!) just for the simple fact that we wouldn't have to travel so far with four kids.
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The kids miss their daddy. I'm not the only one who is rusty at this whole TDY thing. Sam and Jake haven't really had to deal with this since we were at our last duty station. Sam was almost 7-years-old when we moved here; Jake had just turned 2. Obviously they don't remember a whole lot of the previous separations. Jake and Zander didn't ask quite as many questions this time around. We'll see how they do over the next couple of days. If there's going to be a really bad day I am guessing it is going to be tomorrow or Tuesday.
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I successfully finished my first NaNoWriMo session. It's a terrible story line but I had to come up with something and just go with it. So I did. I managed to eke out 1700 words tonight...which amazes me. It's the whole first chapter and now I'm already trying to figure out where to take it tomorrow night. If I can just do this 29 more times I'll be good! Wish me luck.
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Being a single parent is not something that I ever want to do for real. That's pretty much my last coherent thought of the day. I'm exhausted.
**********************************
Jason left for San Antonio this morning. Very, very early this morning. As I am typing this, he may be on the ground and navigating through the airport. It's pretty darn late in the day at this point. I'm hoping to hear from him soon. There were several moments over the course of the day when I looked at the clock, mentally figured out where he might be, and then blanched at the idea of our "Big Move". He is only going to San Antonio...California and Hawaii are both possibilities and those places are several more hours away. It's almost enough to make me hope for the East coast (or England!) just for the simple fact that we wouldn't have to travel so far with four kids.
**********************************
The kids miss their daddy. I'm not the only one who is rusty at this whole TDY thing. Sam and Jake haven't really had to deal with this since we were at our last duty station. Sam was almost 7-years-old when we moved here; Jake had just turned 2. Obviously they don't remember a whole lot of the previous separations. Jake and Zander didn't ask quite as many questions this time around. We'll see how they do over the next couple of days. If there's going to be a really bad day I am guessing it is going to be tomorrow or Tuesday.
**********************************
I successfully finished my first NaNoWriMo session. It's a terrible story line but I had to come up with something and just go with it. So I did. I managed to eke out 1700 words tonight...which amazes me. It's the whole first chapter and now I'm already trying to figure out where to take it tomorrow night. If I can just do this 29 more times I'll be good! Wish me luck.
**********************************
Being a single parent is not something that I ever want to do for real. That's pretty much my last coherent thought of the day. I'm exhausted.
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